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| 12 Steps to Emotional Management |
You know those moments when you know you should not eat something, but the craving is so strong that you give in (to the whole cake, for example) and you are left feeling disappointed, guilty (again), and weak?
Or, what about those moments when your inner self or higher intelligence says be patient, wait, see this situation out and allow things to organically happen and in the heat of your emotion you act quickly, impatiently or irrationally?
WHAT IS
EMOTIONAL MANAGEMENT?
Emotional management is the art of regulating your emotions when you are faced with challenge or stimulation. It means your mind is kept still and balanced even though you are being challenged. It means your nervous system is not activated, putting you into a fight or flight mode and releasing unnecessary stress hormones. Not having emotional
So
here are my 12 Key Emotional Management tools to keep you calm, balanced and
focused.
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness
is the art of staying in the present moment and acting as the observer rather
than the reactor. This gives you the ability to detach from any intensity in
the moment and stand back and observe the situation as well as your reactions
to the situations.
You
can practice mindfulness by calibrating (noticing) moment to moment changes in
your body and becoming aware of your thoughts. The act of observing your
thoughts is very powerful as you do not need to attach to the thoughts but
simply notice what thoughts a situation is creating in you.
2.
Breath Control
Mindfulness
works in collaboration with managing your breath. This means you must first be
aware of your breath and be able to manage your breath by breathing deeply and
fully. You can do this easily by simply
becoming present with your inhale and exhale breath and notice the feelings of
your breath rising and sinking along your body. You can begin to control your
breathing by focusing on slowly down your breath and taking slow inhale breaths
through your nose (about 6 counts) and slow exhale breaths out your mouth (6
counts). If you have lower or greater lung capacity you can lengthen or shorten
that timing.
3.Visualization
Visualization
programs the subconscious mind which thinks in pictures and ultimately controls
our behavior. When you have a stressful thought, a picture is created in your
mind which then programs the nervous system to respond- putting you into
flight, fight or freeze mode. Therefore if in the moment of a challenging
situation you can visualize a calming image or an image which represents the
emotion you want to achieve then your subconscious mind will be programmed to
respond accordingly.
4. Observing your emotion
Once you have engaged in mindfulness
and managing your breath you can begin to
become aware of what you are feeling.
This involves becoming present with what you are feeling in your body and where
you are feeling it.
The
next step is to begin to question the emotion by asking yourself these 3
questions:
What am I
feeling?
(Meditate on that emotion and let the first word that comes into your head guide you)For example: I will begin to notice a tightness in my
belly and when I ask myself what I am feeling the first word that comes into my
mind is Anger…
Now
ask yourself…
Why am I
feeling that? (Why am I feeling angry?)
Again
once you reflect on that question, your self-talk will begin to speak… For
example… I am feeling angry because I am
hurt and feel misunderstood, I feel unsupported and unloved?
Now
ask yourself…
So
what can I do about these feelings?
(This question is key because It immediately forces you to take personal
responsibility for your emotion rather than simply blaming someone else. So
this would sound like…
Ok, can I
express myself better, can I have a conversation with this person and express
how I am feeling, can I speak with someone who makes me feel supported and can
I be around people who really acknowledge me or make me feel good about myself?
Can I remind myself how much I am loved, how good I am, what makes me feel good
about myself and can I give myself some nourishment and self love?
Whatever
the choice in that moment you are taking action and enabling yourself to break
the current emotional state you are in.
5. Detachment from emotion
This involves the art of letting go
and forgiving, which may actually mean forgiving yourself in that moment. Again
the best way to do this is to take yourself somewhere calming and engage in a
few deep breaths which focus on letting go. As you inhale focus on the word let and as you exhale focus on the word go. As you inhale focus on a light and
positive energy entering your body and as you exhale focus on softening your
body and letting go of any tension the body is holding onto. Imagine the body
melting or any tightness dissolving. Begin at the top of your head and slowly
soften your whole body releasing the tension. Instantly you will be clearing
your cells of emotion and will bring the body back to balance.
6.
Finding multiple perspectives
What ultimately brings us stress is the meaning we attach to a situation- the context or
perspective we are choosing to see in a given moment. Challenge
yourself by taking a step back and beginning to view a situation from different
angles. For example, instead of taking a comment personally, step back and ask
yourself what else could be going on right now, what is coming up for this
person? What is motivating them to make that comment? Is their comment a
projection of their own inner fear? What if I have compassion towards that? All
those questions help you see a new perspective which means finding a new
meaning. This new meaning instantly changes your perception of reality and
changes your internal feelings.
7.
Reframe
Reframing is the art of finding new
meaning to a situation which is more positive and meaningful and allows you to
feel more empowered. Examples of positive reframes
include:
Negative: I have always failed
Positive reframe: The past has been my teacher and has been
preparing me for no, I have not failed in the past I have learnt great lessons
and now I am ready.
Negative:
Other people are better than me, the are
stronger, prettier, happier, more successful…they are better than me.
Positive
reframe: Every quality I have is perfect
for who I need to be and I accept and honour all my traits and make the best
with what I have been given.
8.
The Art of Self Questioning
Coaching is all about asking great questions because questions activate thinking patterns. Begin to notice what questions or language you are focusing on- is it positive or negative? Once you begin to ask yourself better questions who will begin to notice better results in yourself and in your life.
9.
Surround yourself with positive people positive energy
We often absorb negative energy
around us, which then feels like our own energy. You can protect and energize
yourself by eliminating the energy wasters and vampires in your life. If it is
impossible to stop seeing these people (which is most often the case) you can
begin to stop certain conversations you normally have with these people which
you find draining. That is in your control.
Begin
to surround yourself with people that make you feel good, people who understand and appreciate you.
Surround yourself with people who you can have positive uplifting conversations
with.
10.
Eliminate Toxins
Stimulants like caffeine, sugar,
alcohol and processed foods stimulate your nervous system and put the body into
a stress or fight/flight mode. This means the body is producing Adrenalin and
Cortisol which will make you feel emotional.
A
really good guide to getting to know this is to watch what foods make you feel
tired or heavy afterwards. This reveals that your system is triggered, so stick
with light and energizing foods.
When you begin to notice signs by
feeling tired or stressed in your body begin to listen and give yourself time
to rest, recharge or reconnect. It is essential that you know what calms or
reenergizes you. Some great ideas include: Warm shower, bubble bath, walk in
nature, time with good friends, a pamper day or some horizontal time on the
couch with your favourite series. This is not being lazy, undisciplined or
defaced…this is you recharging your batteries which is essential to any
management system.
Signs of stress or fatigue to look
for include excessive thinking, shortness in breath, lack of energy, lack of
focus, feeling overwhelmed or emotional, unable to concentrate, inability to
sleep or sit still.
12. Sleep well and Move your body
Emotion can be defined as energy in motion. Therefore emotion that
are going through your body is simply energy that the mind labels as a certain
emotion. If this energy is not expressed or released through conversations or movement
t it will build up in your system and make you feel anxious , nervous or
restless. It is vital to exercise and move the body to rid emotion out of the
body and balance Cortisol levels in the body.
Sleep
is also essential because to manage ourselves takes energy and focus and if we
are tired then we simply fall in a heap and cannot manage the mind.
Ensure
at least 4 times per week you are getting a solid 7-8 hours sleep and if your
body is saying more, then LISTEN!
I trust these 12 Emotional Management Tools will help you feel more in control and empowered over your emotions and enable you to respond effectively to any situation you are placed in!
To your truth and freedom with lots and lots of love,
Cheryne
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