Seems like a simple question to answer, huh? However, almost every time I ask a client this question they struggle to answer it. We can easily recall what we don’t want, we can easily list what stresses us, however to answer the question, what truly makes us authentically happy on a soul level….not that easy.
We have been conditioned to prioritize achievement, success, business, materialism, determination and ambition, and while I completely believe in reaching our goals and desires, often our success comes at the expense of our happiness. We achieve, and try and push and strive but the inner voice of truth and freedom crying out for our simplest desires gets pushed down and ignored, as it does not serve our pathway to success. We accumulate a lot of “stuff” however, our soul remains depleted and because our mind prioritizes and works towards what will make us successful, our soul's needs remain less of a priority.
So we wake up one day and it all feels wrong- life feels empty and meaningless. What we have, what we have achieved and what we are striving for does not feel enough. The “stuff” is no longer making us happy and contributing to our well being.
So in order to feel complete wholeness, not only do we need success but we also have to fulfill and honour our soul’s needs. So I ask you…
What does your soul need to be happy?
The well being of the soul normally comprises of 5 things…Oxygen, Water, Sunshine, Positive Relationships and a Positive Mindset, because, in its essence, the soul has simple needs. The more we connect with our soul's needs, the more we feel authentic happiness.
As a life coach, one of the best models I use is the philosophy of positive psychology, which explores the science of thriving or more specifically the science of Authentic Happiness.
From a positive psychology perspective optimism, positivity, resilience, focus and happiness can be learned. It involves breaking free from our past conditioning and discovering who we need to be to be happy and thrive.
Martin Seligman, one of the founding fathers of positive psychology, has a great model to breakdown what leads to well being and happiness and how we can flourish and thrive. His model, described in his book Flourish , is called PERMA and helps you measure the key areas which create authentic happiness.
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| PERMA MODEL OF WELL BEING by Martin Seligman |
Positive Emotion
Napoleon Hill explained it best when he said, Fear is simply a mindset. When you focus on fear you create negative emotions and a negative reality. By identifying your positive emotions you turn your thoughts into upward spirals rather than pulling you down the rabbit hole of negativity. It allows you to create a positive focus and positive perspective which means the subconscious mind can work towards what it wants rather than focus on what you don’t want.
Positive emotions include: Compassion, joy, grace, respect, happiness, peace, wisdom, courage, bliss, passion, enthusiasm, integrity, vitality, strength.
(List your negative emotions and see if you can identify the opposite positive emotion which you can focus on instead)
Awesome Tip… humour and laughter are the antidote to stress, anxiety and depression!
Engagement
This is when we are doing something for the sheer joy of it and usually utilizes our creative energy. We have no self consciousness and mostly experience high levels of bliss and pleasure. It is a time when we are challenged out of our comfort zone and engaged in something we feel we are skilled at and which brings us great joy.
Examples of times which put you into flow include: Dancing, singing, painting, drawing, music, cooking, sport, gardening, reading meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, and for some even housework.
What gets you into a state of Flow?
What gets you into a state of Flow?
Relationships
Having positive connections with others contributes to our well-being. In fact research shows that materialism and physical things give us a short dose of happiness and wear off quickly whereby our relationships give us a great sense of wholeness and well being.
In its essence, the Soul seeks to Love and Be Loved, so if the soul is out of the state of love it feels empty. When the soul is empty the Ego mind takes over and translates that emptiness as loneliness and unworthiness. This then effects our self esteem and confidence and can lead to depression and anxiety. Therefore having positive relationships where you receive love and are able to give love are an essential key to happiness.
Positive relationships mean you are around people who make you feel great, make you feel understood and contribute to joy in your life. Positive emotions are contagious so if you are around positivity you will feel happy and if you are around toxic negative people, you will feel drained of your essential life force.
A great exercise is to observe all your relationships in your life at present and review the relationships which bring you down and think about how you can either repair that relationship or break away from it.
The key to building positive relationships or repairing negative ones is authentic and open communication. If we are unable to speak openly and honestly in our relationships we will build up a feeling of anxiety and there will be a block in that relationship. This involves having the courage and the strength to be vulnerable and truthful and stopping negative conversations like gossip which instantly bring you down.
Meaning
Living on purpose makes us feel significant. When we are following our purpose we feel we are making a difference and contributing to the world.
The best way to work out your purpose is to think about what you would like to be known for. If you could fast forward to the end of your life and look back, what would you like to be known for, what would you like to be remembered for?
The next step is to link your being and doing. What I mean by that is to first look at what you want to feel. For example do you want to feel powerful, significant, joyful, courageous, happy, peaceful etc etc. This identifies your state of being and once you have that identified, that symbolizes the meaning and purpose in your life as your deeper meaning is to feel that ideal state you seek to feel. Once you have this identified then explore what you can DO in order to fulfill that state of being.
For example, my goal and higher purpose is to reach a state of empowerment and to empower others to experience the same. My chosen “shop front” to create that emotional state is life coaching and meditation, as with every session I would want every client to experience that. But you may “sell” empowerment in a different way for example through fashion or beauty or personal training. Therefore regardless of the “shop front” the higher purpose is still empowerment.
So to clarify your purpose and meaning ask yourself, what is the emotional state you want to feel, what do you want others to feel and what do you want to be remembered for? Then list all the different things you can do to fulfill that feeling.
Achievement
This refers to our goals, our values, our vision of success and our level of competency.
When we are reaching our goals and fulfilling our values and feel we are good at what we do we get a sense of achievement.
To access where you are at now ask yourself the following questions:
What are my goals? (ensure you are setting SMART goals)
What leads to my success?
What am I good at?
It is easy for us to forget what we have accomplished as we tend to be hard on ourselves and focus on where we failed or did not do enough. We tend to blame ourselves rather then realize how far we have come.
Take a page and divide your life into the following time frames 0-20, 20-40, 40-60 and so on. Under the relevant headings list all the achievements and accomplishments you have made, EVERYTHING no matter how big or small. As you will begin to notice, you have actually succeeded in quite a lot.
If you feel like you are in a state of stagnation or in a rut then it is time to challenge yourself and time to grow…time to learn! Ray Kroc said it best when he said you are other green and growing or ripe and rotting; so find a course or take your skills to a new level where you can challenge yourself, set some new goals and reach higher levels of achievement.
This model, identifying these five areas of your life, can help you clarify the areas and the emotions in your life which bring you the greatest sense of joy and happiness. Here is a great exercise to help you thrive with PERMA…
Go through the Perma wheel above and rate each area 0-5 (5 being the greatest)
List the factors which make up that rating
What needs to happen in order to increase that rating? For example, do you require clarity around what positive emotions you need to focus on? You can also explore what takes you out of FLOW and engagement. What relationships are blocked or stagnating you? Are you living on purpose and with meaning? Are you setting clear goals for yourself and working out the steps to achieve them?
This now gives you a clear plan to fulfill your deeper soul needs. The best part about this is that as we fill up our soul, the Ego desires and behavioral patterns fall away as they no longer serve us but hold us back from true happiness , truth and freedom.
Bye, Bye, negativity…it’s time to THRIVE!
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Enjoy!
To your truth and freedom,
Cheryne
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