On a journey towards Self Love, Self Trust and Self Respect it is important that we look for situations which create a feeling of broken integrity with self and learn how we can honour ourselves more and build our confidence by being true to ourselves in every moment.
In certain situations in my life; situations or people which trigger me emotionally, I feel like I have acted from emotion. I spoke up too soon, said too much or interfered, rather then sat in silence or even stillness, with the voice of hindsight guiding me as to what I “SHOULD OF, COULD OF or MUST DO NEXT TIME.” Often I would leave interactions feeling exhausted or feeling like I gave too much, said too much and did not listen enough. The voice in my head would guide me to be silent and be more present and still, but my actions would overtake my wisdom and I would be left having inner conflict rather than inner peace. I would leave those situations feeling guilty, feeling like I let myself down. I searched for more wisdom, courage, compassion and stillness next time to break this vicious cycle; I wanted a stillness that would make me feel like I honour my values and who I want to be rather than honour my emotions. I wanted to feel proud of my actions rather than let down with myself.
When does Wisdom come? How can we learn to stay in our power? When do we learn how to manage our emotions and learn to be still rather than react? My mentor offered me a great little tip and when I first heard it I giggled thinking it was so obvious and so simplistic; however with the awareness, the language to implement and the focus on it, I have found the pathway back to Wisdom.
Very simply, we need to find our own internal pause button. We discover a moment in time when even though we feel like reacting we PRESS PAUSE. Someone may say something which triggers and offends us and instead of reacting we simply pause; pause and observe.
We observe why we have reacted; we question the motivation behind what the person is saying; and we listen actively to understand rather than respond. All this enables us to build our muscles of Wisdom and have more confidence and trust in ourselves. Because when we act in accordance with our values we empower ourselves and when we break our rules or our morals we are left feeling depleted.
Wisdom can be defined as “the ability or result of an ability to think and act utilizing knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense, and insight.” (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/wisdom)
Wisdom is doing what we know. To know and not to do is not to know, so if we are finding that we are not applying our knowledge then we have not mastered that skill as yet.
Wisdom means having integrity because if we do what we know then we walk our talk and stay true to ourselves.
Wisdom will always leave us feeling proud of ourselves and will lead to greater self respect, self esteem and confidence. The more we come from wisdom, the more we trust ourselves. The more we act with Wisdom the more empowered we become.
Wisdom comes with Practice. The more we become aware of ourselves and the more we listen to that awareness and act accordingly, the more our wisdom grows.
Here are some easy techniques to learn the Power of the Pause:
Step 1: STOP & Remember to Remember. We must first STOP and PAUSE. We must remember to stop and remember that every situation is a moment for us to build our muscles of Wisdom. Every moment is a chance to enhance our self mastery and self control. So for example a person begins to verbally attack you…With the Power of the Pause you will first remember to STOP.
Step 2: BREATHE- we were given the gift of our breath to help us send oxygen around the body and the mind. This oxygen gives us clarity of thought and focus and with the correct breathing of a strong inhale and a long extended exhale we can bring in freshness to our bodies and eliminate negativity, toxins and Carbon dioxide- toxins which cloud our thoughts and send us to react more from our nervous system and fight or flight mode, rather then from our frontal cortex – or higher thought centres of the brain. So once you STOP and PAUSE- remember to take a breath!
Step 3: SELF AWARENESS Aristotle said it best when he said, “To know thyself is the beginning of all Wisdom.” We cannot make any changes to ourselves or our lives without self awareness. So become aware of how you react to situations and what/who your triggers are. Begin to also notice the emotions that come up in you after you react or respond too quickly.
Step 4: LISTEN FROM COMPASSION- when we are not taking anything personally we begin to focus on the other person and can hear their pain and frustration, rather than making everything about ourselves. For example if someone is telling you off about something, before you snap back and defend yourself- listen! Listen to understand, listen with Compassion, which means detach and accept and understand what they are saying. Take responsibility for your own reactions. Ask yourself why you are defending yourself? Why the need to defend yourself? Staying in your power would mean you listen, accept and not react and lower yourself. You do not become a victim but listen with a grounded stillness and grace- that is true strength and power.
Step 5: BREATHE – yep, sounds crazy that we have to remind ourselves of this simple step that the body does on its own, but being aware of your breath through connected breathing techniques helps you manage your emotions, your thoughts and therefore have greater self control. IT ALSO HELPS US STAY SILENT AND OBSERVE MINDFULLY!
STEP 6: CALL TO ACTION- Have a strong affirmation or call to action statement to re-enforce the behavior you want. What I mean here is to find yourself a powerful statement which reminds you how you want to be. This is when your values come into the picture and when you focus on your values you offer your mind powerful inner language to focus on; and what you focus on is what you get! So in the moment when you are on pause, breathing, aware, and listening, focus on the emotion you want to feel, for example Courage, or Wisdom, or Grace or Compassion. A great affirmation I use is “have the courage to practice the wisdom of patience.” I love that one and it reminds my mind on my highest values of Courage, Wisdom and Compassion. The reminder of patience can be powerful too!
Step 7: BREATHE- hand on belly- deep inhale and exhale- focus on the exhale and on releasing emotion – keeping yourself Calm, focused, present, mindful and SILENT!
Step 8: Step back and observe – Let’s say for example your attack comes in the form of a text message, try and practice the power of the pause and not reply until you are in your power and coming from Wisdom. Silence is often the best tactic in a conflict.
Step 9: BRING ON THE WISDOM BABY! Ok, now is your moment to shine. In this space of clarity you will be in your power and you will respond with grace, style, elegance of dignity. You will leave feeling confident, empowered and definitely the stronger person. Yep, it is far easier to respond, react and create a drama; however, nothing will make you feel better about yourself and will definitely lead you towards SELF LOVE.
And just a few more tips…
BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE! In fact the pause button is your breath. When you stop and focus on your breath and use your breath to calm your mind and body you are able to take a step back, clear the mind reach calmness and clarity and with that calmness and clarity then purposeful, meaningful and empowering action can follow.
Not only can this help us in moment of conflict but at any times we begin to feel stressed and anxious. Enjoy the power of pause!
Towards truth and freedom!
Lots of love,
Cheryne Blom
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For more about Cheryne please also see: http://www.cheryneblom.com/
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