Does Your Inner Child Need a Hug?

Are you finding it hard to break the pattern of negative thinking and limiting behaviours which keep on repeating? Are you aware that these behaviours are actually coming from beliefs stored within your inner child? These beliefs are imprinted within your subconscious mind programing you to view the world through the lens of this belief system. This belief system in turn determines your moment to moment choices, and for many of us we are unaware that the majority of these choices and spontaneous reactions are actually coming from the mindset of this inner child. And so the world appears to be fearful and overwhelming, as it would to a small child.

In actual fact we can define EGO as simply being the fearful beliefs perceived by our inner child, which led us to form certain behavioural traits we felt we needed in order to protect ourselves or survive. It is this place of EGO which separates man from animals as the EGO holds our emotions and perceptions.

There was a moment in childhood when we experienced pain in the form of judgment, rejection or abandonment, which led us to feel unloved, unworthy and not good enough. These moments of pain imprint onto our subconscious mind causing emotional blocks which stunt our growth. We do not grow or mature because we remain stuck or frozen in the age that belief was made. Until we heal or release that beleif from our subconscious mind, we will keep repeating patterns or situations which validate that internal belief.

It is in that imprint or in that stagnation where we become blocked and do not grow. When we begin a journey of self-development with a therapist or on our own we are able to journey into the imprints of the subconscious mind, gain awareness of their existence and bring them to the surface of the conscious mind to release and heal. The more we heal, the more we grow and mature. So the more you can connect with your inner child and gain awareness of what lies within, the faster you can grow emotionally and spiritually and mature into a self-actualised adult living with purpose, peace and happiness.

The perfect example of this patterning is seen in a person attracting the same partner over and over again which leaves them hurt and incomplete. This person may be attracting the same kind of person based on the beliefs and decisions which lie within the inner child’s mind. Examples of such beliefs include:

I need to be taken care of by someone as I cannot be alone
I need to be recognized to feel loved
I cannot fail anyone
I am loved if I do things for others
I have to be what others want me to be in order to feel loved and accepted
If I am good then people will love me
I need to feel safe in order to feel love

The more we use the belief system of our inner child the more we will chase love in the wrong direction. As we are not really coming from the intention of love, but rather coming from the intention of fear- we begin to seek needing to be loved rather than simply being love.

Here are some of the patterns of the inner child:

The Good Girl/Boy
Belief: I need recognition and validation to feel loved
Behaviour: I will please everyone to get the recognition I need to feel loved. I will work hard, I will not fail, I will over achieve and push myself to be the best and get the reward. I must always be good.

The Rebel
Belief: I do not need to be told what to do, I know better myself. When people try to control me I feel like I am not good enough
Behaviour: I must not allow others in; I can only rely on myself. I must prove to everyone that I can do it and I am right.

The Attention Seeker
Belief: When I have attention I feel loved and worthy
Behavior:  I must always stand out. I must be the loudest, brightest and compete with others to stand out in the crowd.

The Worry Wart
Belief: The world is not safe and my fear helps me gain control.
Behaviour: I must always protect myself, stay small and in my comfort zone. I must control situations… But what if this happens and what if that happens…what if…what if…what if…

The I can
Belief: I can do anything and I am better then others.
Behaviour: I must compare myself to others and ensure I am better. I will continuously push myself beyond my limits- I know I CAN do this! I will prove it to them!

The Needy
Belief: I need someone to look after me to feel safe and if no one is there then there must be something wrong with me or it means I am not loved.
Behaviour: I need to be dependant on others as I do not trust myself and I do not know how to be responsible for my own needs.

…. These are just to name a few…

The biggest problem with these beliefs and behaviours is that we chose career paths and relationships based on them and then reach a point in our lives where we outgrow this belief system and require something greater and more meaningful to fulfil us. As we mature and reach higher levels of self acceptance and belief, these beliefs become outdated and extinct...we are in need of an upgrade.

The good news is when we start to recognise those limiting beliefs and when we start to realize that they are holding us back and causing us to view the world a certain way, and then we are ready to identify and grow into the more mature version of ourselves. This mature self can be called our higher self and it is actually our essence and our true self. It is the person we are capable of being when we let go of our inner pain (fear) and embrace the best version of ourselves.

Here is a great exercise to connect with your higher, wiser self… 

Find a comfortable, quiet spot for you to meditate
Allow yourself to connect with your breath and deeply relax your body (for more advice on how to meditate please email Cheryne here.
Once you are relaxed take yourself to a safe sacred place. A place where you  feel safe and connected- a place only for you
Observe this place and connect with the feelings you feel in this place
Now look up ahead of you and see an image coming towards you
As you look closer you see an image of yourself- this image represents your higher self, your inner master, inner sage or wise being.
Feel the energy and the presence of your higher self
Observe their qualities
Look deep into their eyes and into their heart- observe what lies within them
Notice these key virtues which lie within you
Allow this higher self to embrace your inner child and pass on the key lessons you need to learn
Listen and absorb this guidance
Observe the higher self  take your hand and walk back to today, walk back into your body and feel the virtues of your higher self integrate into your present self. Feel these virtues and notice any changes within.
Visualize your life now with these virtues within, notice the enhanced inner strength, inner knowing, inner wisdom, inner trust, inner respect, inner peace, courage, grace and happiness.
Notice what you can achieve in this place of virtue
Slowly allow yourself to come back into the present moment feeling the presence and the power of your higher self within you.
Slowly open your eyes…

“It is only when we give ourselves permission to access our pain that our healing begins” Colin tipping

ENJOY!

To your truth and freedom,

Cheryne

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