Shed Your Failure Program

So you have woken up with an amazing, inspiring 3AM idea. You get a burst of enthusiasm which burns through the night, helping you map out your idea and write out the steps. Everything at 3AM seems reasonable and achievable and you feel passionate, energetic and completely inspired. The road ahead seems easy…you have the passion…you know the steps… you can see the success…and you are ready to make it all happen for yourself.

Then, as the dawn breaks, this little voice creeps its way into your enthusiasm…”But, what if I fail?”   It says, “What if it doesn’t work out?” Oh well… It was a great idea…but too much can go wrong…there is too much risk…I’ll just sit on it for a while… I’ll just stay safe….

Fear of failure is one of the greatest fears I hear from clients which leads them to get stuck and give up rather than take risks and persist. Do you ever ask yourself…

What if I fail?

What if things go wrong?

What if I lose?

What if people reject me?

What if people criticize me?

The thing is, with this focus…are you programming yourself to fail?

Listen to the voice in your head? Is the language negative or positive? Are you focusing on success or are you focusing on failure? What we focus on is what we get, so if you are focusing on failure then you will create the steps for failure…you are circling in a failure program. And because your thoughts create your reality, then wherever your focus goes determines the reality you are creating for yourself right now.

Why do we fear failure?

Interesting question…

At some stage in our past we learnt failure. We perceived ourselves fail whether it was from class mates laughing at us, teacher scolding us or parents telling us we could have done better or did not make them proud. We created an expectation of ourselves and our results did not meet our expectations, so we began to feel shame and feeling that we let ourselves down. We begin, at this stage, to develop beliefs around not being good enough. We become people pleasing monkeys trying desperately to avoid the shame and the pain we experienced when we failed.

The Body learns failure. Based on how we reacted at the time we perceived failure, the body stores that pain on a cellular level. For example at the time of distress, when we thought we failed, we may have been short of breath, we may have tensed our stomachs, our throat may have closed up, legs may have become shaky, or we may have cloudy or foggy thought. All these body reactions are signs of the body going into fear…the body learns what it feels like to fail and the reaction becomes a conditioned response every time you perceive yourself failing or about to fail. Even the slightest thought can trigger a fear response in the body. Every time you think, I am going to fail…the body responds. And once we are stuck in a fear response we are locked in to that fearful reality.

So the body and mind get stuck in a failure program and subconsciously we set ourselves up to fail. We loop or repeat this pattern until we experience enough pain around failing or until the time we are ready to truly break this pattern.

So, how do you break your failure program?

Einstein defined Insanity as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result…so for many of us…we reach a time where we can say ENOUGH! I am done with doing the same things over and over and maybe I can do something differently and get a new result.

So here are some great tips to breaking your fear program and turning your failure into success?

There is No Such Thing as Failure Only Feedback

This fantastic NLP presupposition shows us that there really is no such thing as failure when we view every experience as an opportunity for growth. Just like the great Chinese proverb, fall down seven times, get up eight… we become unstoppable in the face of failure. We observe the situation in which we feel we fail and we take note of all the possible lessons we can take from the situation and we challenge ourselves to grow and to learn from the key feedback received.

If we are focusing on the failure we are actually internally focusing on the belief that we are not good enough or not worthy, so the perceived failure is simply validating those beliefs. When we focus on the lessons and the opportunity to grow we come from a place of self acceptance and self love.  This is a much gentler and nurturing place which helps us build confidence and self esteem.

Focus on success

Notice if your internal language is focusing on failure. For example if you keep on saying to yourself…don’t fail here or I can’t fail…then your unconscious mind is focusing on failure.

Flip your language to focus on success.  For example, you can say to yourself…Success is my only option. Another great way is to ask yourself internally…how can I achieve or succeed here? Here your mind will begin to create success strategies and you will begin to break your failure program and begin to re-program yourself with a success program.

Take responsibility for your success

In reality many people actually fear success and the possible judgment and responsibility which come with success. As the great Marianne Williamson says, “It’s our light not our darkness which frightens us most.” Therefore, we stay small and would rather fail to avoid the spotlight of success.

Taking responsibility for your success involves owning your success, embracing your success as your gifts and contribution you make to the world. It involves shedding the fear of judgment, those Ego beliefs, and again, as above, embracing the space of Self Belief, Self Acceptance and Self Love   

Reverse the body’s response

As I mentioned earlier in this piece, our body store’s fear on a cellular level and you can reverse that memory with the use of mindfulness meditation techniques. This means observing and feeling the place in your body when you go into fear or go into your failure program. This may include feeling it in your belly, in your legs, in your chest, in your throat or in your head. Once you observe the place of tension or tightness in your body, then you can focus your thoughts and breath on dissolving the pain or discomfort around that area in your body. In time and with practice and repetition the body releases the cellular memory stored in the body. Click here for a great guided meditation download for you to heal your body.

Take yourself out of your comfort zone

Fear and failure is a comfort zone, the place of safety where we can avoid that judgment and responsibility I mentioned earlier. Every time you challenge yourself and take yourself out of our comfort zone you learn new patterns of behavior and develop new circuitry in the mind which will lead you closer to success and empowerment. The more emotional leverage you gather, the more pain you experience in your comfort zone and the more compelled you are to change yourself and move towards success.

Focus on who you want to be

Instead of focusing on your failure and what you think you are not, list all your strengths and all the possible values and virtues you want and need to be which will help you get what you want. This is about creating the best version of yourself. If you are struggling to move out of your comfort zone and create that self then Life Coaching is the perfect place for you to explore that self with a person who will lovingly push you out of your comfort zone and help you gain the clarity.

Enjoy success

Every time you succeed, enjoy the success and take note of the steps which helped you get there. Before you quickly move on to your next thing, celebrate and treat yourself.

Create Success Habit

The quality of our lives is determined by our daily habits. Be sure to read next week’s blog post as I will be focusing on this point.

 So… who do you need to be and what do you need to do to create your own success?

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne Blom

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