So...What are Your Needs? (A Bonus Post for Mother's Day)

When you are in a relationship and if you are parents it is so easy to lose yourself and your needs.

I was going to direct this post to all the Mums out there as a special Mother’s Day message, but when I started to think about this message I realized this message extends to not only the busy Super Mums but to all of us (male and female), who get caught up in the busy-ness and responsibilities of life.

I know how I feel when life piles up…I begin to feel like my needs and my desires fall to the bottom of the priority list and I begin to get snappy, irritable and frustrated. This now ultimately means I am being nothing to the most important people in my life. 

We get so caught up in our roles and what we feel people need us and expect us to be. We also get caught up in the expectations we have of ourselves and tend to think people need us more than they actually do. In fact, them needing us gives us a sense of worthiness and value because if we are making others happy and fulfilling their needs then it makes us feel needed and gives us a sense of purpose; Especially when our highest values and purpose are around family and being of service to our families.

The problem I have with that is that if we question the intention behind that “secondary gain” we see that we only need to be needed if we are not feeling good enough or needing others to love us. And although that is a core human need, we have to ask if our worthiness can be made up of more than that, and most importantly made up of qualities within us rather than outside of us?

Because, if our worthiness is based on the happiness of our significant others, then our feelings of self worth will be inconsistent and dependant on our external world rather than our internal beliefs and values.

The other possible danger that may happen within us when we focus on others is that our mind prioritizes their needs over our own. So we will break our personal boundaries and ignore our needs because on a core level, we get more love and validation when we please others over pleasing ourselves. So we tend to self sacrifice and please others and our deep core needs and self care get pushed down to an insignificant place. And now, because we are not feeding our inner needs, we begin to become depleted and may even begin to feel resentment towards our lives, rather than fulfillment. The situation may spiral down even further because when we are feeling empty we are unable to really give to others in our lives. We give out of duty and obligation not from our hearts.

So… I ask you…

WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS? WHAT DO YOU NEED TO FEEL ENERGISED, CENTRED AND BALANCED?

It’s amazing how when I ask many of my clients that question, both men and women, they are unable to answer. And then when they do they end up feeling guilty and selfish.

So, if we begin to realize that when we are “filled up” within and feeling love and centredness within, we actually give back so much more to those in our lives and we begin to prioritize what we need.

So take some time now to reflect and think about your needs and list all the things you want and need for yourself. It could be anything…

Golf, exercise, yoga, dance, massage, coaching, facial, manicure, holiday, walking, spending time in nature, being with friends, going to a movie, going shopping, sleep, meditation…anything!

Keep it simple and allow your heart to guide you. Allow yourself to prioritize your heart and soul's needs and feel yourself fill up with energy, enthusiasm and happiness.

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne Blom

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