One of our greatest needs is the need to belong and be accepted by others. This need to belong and be accepted makes us feel safe in our world. Through a complex matrix of childhood experiences, we learn that if we behave a certain way then we will be accepted by others and fit in.
This need to be liked and accepted by others overrides the
need to be ourselves, and over time we develop a set of conditions which prove our worth and make us feel accepted and worthy.
Instead of focusing on developing our unique talents and standing out with our individuality, these conditions lead us to lose the essence of who we are and become the concept of what people need us to be or the concept of ourselves which people will accept most.
The greatest joy I receive as a coach is when I see this realization in my clients. The moment they realize that they are not being true to themselves or are not aligned with their true selves because they are pleasing everyone around them, is the moment they begin a true journey towards self-empowerment.
It is in this moment that they can begin to let go of who they need to be and move towards their authentic self, who they want to be and who they know they are at the core. Part of this process in clarifying their self-image or self-concept, is to gain awareness around what their conditions of worth are.
Conditions of worth are the terms and the conditions of your self-worth. All the beliefs and the reasons why people accept you and define why you are good enough. The conditions of worth are based on cause and effect and the language is basically, ‘If I …., then …. , or ‘when I am…, then...’
For example:
What are your conditions of worth?
Once you have answered these questions and realize your set of conditions which you have placed on your worth, you can now ask yourself the following empowering question to release them…
Now you will begin to realize that your worth is not based on any conditions or
is not based on anything you need to do. You will realize that your self-worth is made up of you being you!
Your true self is self-confident, loving, giving, nurturing, kind, caring, fun, funny, playful, creative, honest, open, authentic, positive, intelligent, capable, strong, intuitive, innovative and most importantly a unique being with your own unique gifts and talents to bring to the world.
So the next time you hear your inner language say to you, If I [fill the blank], then they will like me, stop the thought and remind yourself that the only person placing conditions on you is You and you can let go of needing to be anything to anyone and embrace your true values and essence.
And the real irony is that when you give yourself permission to be your true self, you shine and people (especially the real ones) love you for exactly who you are and do not need you to be anything else.
need to be ourselves, and over time we develop a set of conditions which prove our worth and make us feel accepted and worthy.
Instead of focusing on developing our unique talents and standing out with our individuality, these conditions lead us to lose the essence of who we are and become the concept of what people need us to be or the concept of ourselves which people will accept most.
The greatest joy I receive as a coach is when I see this realization in my clients. The moment they realize that they are not being true to themselves or are not aligned with their true selves because they are pleasing everyone around them, is the moment they begin a true journey towards self-empowerment.
It is in this moment that they can begin to let go of who they need to be and move towards their authentic self, who they want to be and who they know they are at the core. Part of this process in clarifying their self-image or self-concept, is to gain awareness around what their conditions of worth are.
Conditions of worth are the terms and the conditions of your self-worth. All the beliefs and the reasons why people accept you and define why you are good enough. The conditions of worth are based on cause and effect and the language is basically, ‘If I …., then …. , or ‘when I am…, then...’
For example:
If I make people happy, then I will be liked
If I am happy, then other people are happy.
If I do a lot for others, then they will appreciate me.
If I am pretty, then people will like me.
When I am positive, then people like to be with me.
If I succeed, then people will respect me.
If I am a good person, then people will like me.
What are your conditions of worth?
Ask yourself these questions:
How do I know I am accepted by others?
What makes me feel good enough?
What makes me feel liked by others?
Once you have answered these questions and realize your set of conditions which you have placed on your worth, you can now ask yourself the following empowering question to release them…
If there was nothing to prove and if I let go of the need to belong and focus on what my unique strengths are, then what awareness do I gain about myself? What is my worth truly made up of?
Now you will begin to realize that your worth is not based on any conditions or
Your true self is self-confident, loving, giving, nurturing, kind, caring, fun, funny, playful, creative, honest, open, authentic, positive, intelligent, capable, strong, intuitive, innovative and most importantly a unique being with your own unique gifts and talents to bring to the world.
So the next time you hear your inner language say to you, If I [fill the blank], then they will like me, stop the thought and remind yourself that the only person placing conditions on you is You and you can let go of needing to be anything to anyone and embrace your true values and essence.
And the real irony is that when you give yourself permission to be your true self, you shine and people (especially the real ones) love you for exactly who you are and do not need you to be anything else.
To your truth and freedom with lots of love,
Cheryne
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Monthly Meditation Class held the first and third Wednesday of every month. Upcoming date 21 October 2015; 8pm-9:30pm. Held at The Tranquility Centre 357 North Road South Caulfield To Book email Cheryne Topic: The Ideal Self
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