Are you afraid of pain?

Are you afraid of your pain?

Freud put it best when he said we are a society who does more to avoid pain then seek pleasure.

For the purpose of this blog post I am referring to emotional pain as opposed to physical pain as physical pain is a different conversation I will address in later posts.

We avoid pain for many reasons…

o   Because we have been conditioned to believe that pain is a “Bad” thing

o   We have been conditioned to get a quick fix to alleviate pain- (“Just take a pill")

o   Because the EGO wants to feel good ALL the time

o   We do not know how to delve into the pain

o   We do not have the mental tools to transform the pain

o   Pain brings up fear and well… again we have been conditioned to belief that the “F” word is a bad thing

o   We do not understand the true meaning of pain

o   We are not connected to our bodies enough to understand the pain

We do many things to distract ourselves from pain. In fact, a root cause to most addictive behavior can even be seen as an avoidance of pain. Think about the last time you had heart ache- most people do one of 3 things:

·         Fight – here we react to the pain- cry, scream, lash out- as true drama queens we may even throw something- this is our tantrum-  a tantrum for not getting what we want or not having our way- the inner 3 year old comes out to play. As you can see this is a clear distraction.

·         Flight- Here we just want to move on and distract ourselves in other ways through denial, avoidance and keeping busy- retreat into nature, find other situations/behaviors to put ourselves in or START CLEANING! Here we are doing whatever we can to fill that void- drink, eat, sleep, shop, clean etc etc. (from what I see in my work and observations this is where the majority of society live)

·         Freeze – Here we withdraw, we shut down and surrender. We feel numb- cannot find the words to communicate our feelings and give other people and other situations complete power- we are powerless and do what we can to avoid the exposure of vulnerability.

These three behavioral patterns can easily be summed up as our SURVIVAL MODE! And the need for survival comes from our EGO so it will always cause more stress as our EGO is based on our fear- our EGO is our FEAR. When we understand our Ego and our ego behavior we can clearly see that this is the most unresourceful part of ourselves.

Our Ego is also designed to protect us, so from our EGO we will not allow ourselves the vulnerability to go into the pain and will throw us into the above mentioned behavior.

So how can we deal with pain more effectively and courageously?

Ian Gawler uses the phrase FEELING IS HEALING , which is really what it is all about- the ability to FEEL THE PAIN.  He says, “By avoiding our emotions we create an inner struggle- a struggle between the thinking mind and the feeling body.”

What is required is to feel the pain through Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the opposite of repressing emotions- this is the ability to observe and Feel the pain. This takes courage and the knowledge and belief that from PAIN COMES GROWTH.

What does that mean?

Simply put, mindfulness is the ability to observe ourselves and others with no judgment! It is actually how I define compassion- observe with NO JUDGEMENT. That is the key because it is the judgment or our meaning of the PAIN which throws us into suffering. When we change the meaning we are attaching to the pain, the pain often dissolves or transforms into a greater meaning which leads to our personal growth. When we return to a feeling of inner peace and calmness we know the pain has dissolved. This feeling of inner peace lets us know we are out of our head and have opened our hearts- we are out of our EGO and in what I like to call our ESSENCE.

So pain can simply be seen as a WARNING SIGNAL so rather than going into Flight, Fight or Freeze mode here is one of my favourite exercises to mindfully treat pain:

When the feeling of pain/anxiety hits follow these simple steps:

o   Find a quiet place to sit, preferably in nature, away from noise and interruptions

o   Take 8 deep breaths along your Centreline (your centre line runs from the top of your head, down your throat, past your chest and stomach, along your spine and out your perineum. For the best results feel the centres from your throat, chest and belly as these are known as our “Inner Crucible” for shifting emotions.

o   Inhale through your nose and slowly exhale out your mouth- each breath cycle should be 15 seconds- inhale for 3 counts (hold for 3) exhale for 6 (Hold for 3)

o   Locate the space within your body where you feel the pain- focus on chest, stomach, or throat area.

o   Mindfully focus on the pain which means observe it without creating any meaning of it

o   Give the pain a voice- If it was a Warning Signal- what would it be telling you?

o   Meditate on the answers you receive- meditation is also the ability to connect with our inner self and allow that inner self to speak. Focus on the lessons the pain is trying to give you- remember from pain comes growth- there is a message in the pain

o   With every breath, breathe into the pain to dissolve it along the centre line

o   Feel the pain dissolve out of the body

o   Notice the space within your body where the anxiety once was and fill that space with a wonderful feeling of self love. You may want to even visualize this as a warm yellow or white light surrounding you.

o   Notice the feelings within your heart

o   Journal the messages you received

o   Focus on the positive affirmations and positive reframe received through the exercise

If you have any questions following the above exercise please email me: info@cheryneblom.com

Focus on the Growth!

Lots of love, Cheryne

 To find out more about Cheryne please visit http://www.cheryneblom.com/index.php/home.html

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