Tuesday, February 9, 2016

10 Great Ways to Show Your Love this Valentine’s Day

With all the commercialism around us, it is hard not be swept up in the material hype over Valentine’s Day. And although, in reality, it is a day of bliss for retailers,  it is hard not to have any expectations or get caught up in the hype around giving and receiving on the day.

But, here’s the thing…each one of us has a unique way in which we need to be loved. This is called our love strategy or our internal love tank of knowing whether we are loved or not. If our love tank is full, we feel safe and open and thrive in a relationship. When our love tank is empty we feel depleted, unfulfilled and even resentful.

Based on our childhood experiences we develop this unique love strategy which means we have our own internal narrative or belief system around what it means to love and be loved.

And because all our actions and behaviors are based on our own internal perspectives, we tend to show a person love in the way that we need to be loved, which is a great intention, however, is not necessarily the way in which they need to be loved. And so all our attempts to love a person fall on empty hearts because we are not speaking their language. And that can be disempowering and frustrating, especially when you really do care so much for a person and want to fulfill them.

The easiest way to understand a person’s love strategy or love language is to understand how they process information as well as an understanding of how they were shown love as a child. The way we process information is through our senses, mainly seeing, hearing and feeling.

Visual lovers need to see it. They notice a look you give them, they need the physical gifts and they need some form of visual representation of love, like flowers for example.

Auditory lovers need to hear it. They will be sensitive to your tone, will love you to tell them words of affirmation or recognition. They love to hear it through music or poetry.

Kinaesthetic lovers need to feel it. These tactile lovers want connection, touch intimacy, acts of kindness or service and go by the way you feel as well as the way they feel. They may have felt your presence and got a gut feel before they saw you.

Now you may be saying, I think my lover is all of the above, and yes you are right, we do need all of them, yet there will be one that will make more of an impact. Best practice, if you are unsure, is to try and fulfill them all and notice which one you get the best reaction to.

Another point to add into the mix, is what I have noticed for almost 10 years in my coaching business. On a deep innate level, men want to be recognized and appreciated and women want to be seen or heard (really understood and accepted). The ability to truly appreciate your man or to truly see your woman for all that she is will completely light them up inside.

So, bringing it all together, here are 10 great ways you can show those you love how you feel in a deep and meaningful way which will speak to the core of who they are:

  1. For Visual lovers: Create a photobook with all the best times you have had together and how seeing them happy makes you happy. This is like a collection of all the moments I love you book.
  2. Or create a photo book showing them all the beauty you see in them and why they are unique and special to you.
  3. Create a gift basket of all of their favorite things which they may not usually spend on themselves. Hint: Those beautiful turquoise blue boxes from "T&CO" were made for visual lovers J
  4. Make a video message for your partner telling them how much you love them or all the reasons you love them and why, in a sea of billions of fish, you chose them.
  5. For your lovers who need to hear it make them a recording in a loving tone telling them how much you love them and why(tip: make this about them not really what you get from them)
  6. Play them a beautiful song or poem which symbolizes your love. Put together a CD or playlist of all their favorite songs
  7. For your lovers who need to feel you, give them a day voucher of complete quality time- whatever they want to do together with the promise you will be fully engaged and present
  8. Make them a romantic, relaxing bath
  9. Offer them a sensual or relaxing massage which means you will check in with them, where all their “hot spots” are or places they most enjoy being massaged (touched).
  10. Make a coupon or voucher book which offers them free vouchers of all special acts of kindness or service they may need.
By shifting your focus away from expressing your love language to intentionally focusing on how you can fulfill your partner’s unique way, will mean a greater connection and union based on unconditional love and acceptance.

The most important ingredient in all of this is to tap into all the self-love you have within yourself so that you are full and complete and don’t need your partner to complete you or fulfill you, but want to share in a blissful heart-centered union with your soul mate with no expectations or wanting anything in return.

Oh and feel free to forward this blog to your partner as a helpful hint J

Have a loving day!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,


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