Is Loneliness an Illusion?

Loneliness is one of the biggest causes of anxiety and depression; and the fear of being alone haunts many of us; however when we stop to think about it loneliness is an illusion, a result of an emptiness within ourselves, let’s explore…

For most of my life I felt out of place, like I never really belonged anywhere, I felt I was different- a square trying to fit into a circle. As a result I felt isolated and disconnected which led to a great feeling of loneliness and pain within. Born in South Africa, grew up in USA, from a very early age I decided I was the girl with the funny accent and crazy hair (hmmmmm, that decision seems to still be there). J

This decision however created the perception that everyone was connected and I was alienated and different. This pain within me became masked by a tough exterior and dazzling smile and led me to create 2 aspects of myself:

1.      Be the person people need me to be

2.      Be “The personality”’

Both were part of this mask and both were a complete overcharge of my energy- an overcharge which eventually my adrenals would surrender to.

I learnt to continuously reinvent myself and I learnt to mould myself into many forms to fit in- adaptability was my greatest value and strength for many years. I focused so greatly on developing these skills that I forgot about my core strengths; I forgot about my uniqueness and I forgot about the gifts I give to people when I am being me. I forgot my playfulness, joy, laughter, enthusiasm, kindness- I forgot my essence.  

Can you relate?

We get so caught up in blending in that we lose ourselves completely. And this is where the loneliness begins. The moment we begin to look outside of ourselves for fulfillment and completeness we become depleted within. In fact the more we look externally the emptier we get internally. This internal emptiness creates a void which we then go and seek out to fill.

In the depth of that pain void lies what I refer to as our EGO – our core fear. It is the Ego which creates this illusion of loneliness as it creates a feeling of separation and isolation. In the core of our fear lies 3 beliefs which create this illusion “I am not loved”, “I am not good enough”, “I am not worthy”. We begin the “pity party” and the “What about me” Syndrome . The 3CS begin:

COMPARE     COMPETE       COMPROMISE

We begin to compare ourselves to others. We begin to compete for attention, recognition, reward, validation, success. And we begin to compromise our core selves to please others. And again most importantly we begin to look outside ourselves and therefore loose ourselves.

So when we step into that void and realize what truly exists there we connect to a magical place within ourselves. For me I found that this feeling of “being different” was replaced with a feeling of uniqueness; a place where I began to see the gifts I had within. I began to connect with my inner child and began to have FUN again. I began to ask myself great questions like: Who am I really? What makes me happy and what do I really want? And with the answering of these questions I began to develop the self awareness of who I am and began to truly admire and love that person. I began to embrace myself as a leader, acknowledging that the gifts within me allow me to awaken and inspire others. I realized that the more I found me, the more I had to give. And the more I found me, the more complete I felt. The loneliness is replaced with self love, self care and self gratification.

Most importantly I learnt that only I am responsible for my happiness and success. When we start to take 100% responsibility for ourselves all our choices and actions become aligned with filling ourselves up rather than pleasing others. You may be thinking that sounds Selfish, however when we are empty within we have nothing to give and become needy and dependant. And when we focus on filing ourselves up we become an overflowing vessel with so much love to give. So we need to replace selfish with SELFCARE!

Imagine a world where we are all filled from within? Everything would change! The neediness and dependence would stop and we would begin to see the people in our lives for the very first time. Instead of needing them to fulfill us we can focus on giving to them and sharing what we feel within ourselves to those outside ourselves -we completely reverse the cycle of emptiness.

We can transcend ourselves beyond our EGOS and begin to bring on a great new beginning for mankind. And we when do we become a society based on powerful morals and virtues:

HUMILITY         GRACE           ONENESS                   COMPASSION          LOVE

WISDOME      COURAGE     AUNTHENTICITY         INTEGRITY                  PEACE

We realize most importantly we are not ALONE we are ALL ONE! We realize together we are one…

What do you think? Isn’t it time?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! Have a great week!
Lots of love,
Cheryne

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