10 Great Ways to Show Your Love this Valentine’s Day

With all the commercialism around us, it is hard not be swept up in the material hype over Valentine’s Day. And although, in reality, it is a day of bliss for retailers,  it is hard not to have any expectations or get caught up in the hype around giving and receiving on the day.

But, here’s the thing…each one of us has a unique way in which we need to be loved. This is called our love strategy or our internal love tank of knowing whether we are loved or not. If our love tank is full, we feel safe and open and thrive in a relationship. When our love tank is empty we feel depleted, unfulfilled and even resentful.

Based on our childhood experiences we develop this unique love strategy which means we have our own internal narrative or belief system around what it means to love and be loved.

And because all our actions and behaviors are based on our own internal perspectives, we tend to show a person love in the way that we need to be loved, which is a great intention, however, is not necessarily the way in which they need to be loved. And so all our attempts to love a person fall on empty hearts because we are not speaking their language. And that can be disempowering and frustrating, especially when you really do care so much for a person and want to fulfill them.

The easiest way to understand a person’s love strategy or love language is to understand how they process information as well as an understanding of how they were shown love as a child. The way we process information is through our senses, mainly seeing, hearing and feeling.

Visual lovers need to see it. They notice a look you give them, they need the physical gifts and they need some form of visual representation of love, like flowers for example.

Auditory lovers need to hear it. They will be sensitive to your tone, will love you to tell them words of affirmation or recognition. They love to hear it through music or poetry.

Kinaesthetic lovers need to feel it. These tactile lovers want connection, touch intimacy, acts of kindness or service and go by the way you feel as well as the way they feel. They may have felt your presence and got a gut feel before they saw you.

Now you may be saying, I think my lover is all of the above, and yes you are right, we do need all of them, yet there will be one that will make more of an impact. Best practice, if you are unsure, is to try and fulfill them all and notice which one you get the best reaction to.

Another point to add into the mix, is what I have noticed for almost 10 years in my coaching business. On a deep innate level, men want to be recognized and appreciated and women want to be seen or heard (really understood and accepted). The ability to truly appreciate your man or to truly see your woman for all that she is will completely light them up inside.

So, bringing it all together, here are 10 great ways you can show those you love how you feel in a deep and meaningful way which will speak to the core of who they are:

1. For Visual lovers: Create a photobook with all the best times you have had together and how seeing them happy makes you happy. This is like a collection of all the moments I love you book.
2. Or create a photo book showing them all the beauty you see in them and why they are unique and special to you.
3. Create a gift basket of all of their favorite things which they may not usually spend on themselves. Hint: Those beautiful turquoise blue boxes from "T&CO" were made for visual lovers J
4. Make a video message for your partner telling them how much you love them or all the reasons you love them and why, in a sea of billions of fish, you chose them.
5. For your lovers who need to hear it make them a recording in a loving tone telling them how much you love them and why(tip: make this about them not really what you get from them)
6. Play them a beautiful song or poem which symbolizes your love. Put together a CD or playlist of all their favorite songs
7. For your lovers who need to feel you, give them a day voucher of complete quality time- whatever they want to do together with the promise you will be fully engaged and present
8. Make them a romantic, relaxing bath
9. Offer them a sensual or relaxing massage which means you will check in with them, where all their “hot spots” are or places they most enjoy being massaged (touched).
10. Make a coupon or voucher book which offers them free vouchers of all special acts of kindness or service they may need.
    

By shifting your focus away from expressing your love language to intentionally focusing on how you can fulfill your partner’s unique way, will mean a greater connection and union based on unconditional love and acceptance.

The most important ingredient in all of this is to tap into all the self-love you have within yourself so that you are full and complete and don’t need your partner to complete you or fulfill you, but want to share in a blissful heart-centered union with your soul mate with no expectations or wanting anything in return.

Oh and feel free to forward this blog to your partner as a helpful hint J

Have a loving day!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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16 ways to make 2016 your most extraordinary year!

I love how here in Australia and in many other countries New Years is marked with an explosion of fireworks. What a powerful symbol! It is as if we are blowing up the past, turning it into beautiful shiny bits and then having a clear new path to create a new year of magic.

2015 brought some great challenges so let’s let go of the hardships and the negatives, let’s blow them up and turn them into shiny golden nuggets of learning. Lessons we can take with us to make this a fantastic year for us.

Year are my 16 golden nuggets to help you have an extraordinary year!

1. Live in the moment – focus on the individual magic each day brings. When we live in the moment we maximize our time and we are more engaged in everything we do.
2. Be with people who make you feel good about yourself and belief in you- let go of the energy drainers and the people you walk away from where you feel bad about yourself or in a negative space. These people do not serve you and do not make you happy so surround yourself with people who believe in you and who uplift you.
3. Respect yourself – eat well, sleep well, speak well and do everything you can to respect you are and what you need to thrive. This gives you a great sense of integrity and pride for yourself.
4. Move your body – keep yourself active and healthy. Do not let emotion build up in your body, causing you to become drained and cloudy. Do any form of movement which uplifts you and makes you feel lighter and brighter.
5. Get it done! 2016 is a 9 year, which symbolizes completion. So this is the year to complete those tasks you have started!
6. Make new friends- expand your horizons and meet new people who mirror your growth and reflect back to you the greatness present in your life.
7. Focus at least 20 minutes a day on a creative outlet- blocked creative energy can turn to feelings of anxiety, depression and addictive behavior. So follow your bliss without inner judgment or shame. Have fun creatively as if you were re-living your childhood freedom.
8. Challenge yourself – do not tolerate self-doubt, self-pity, self sabotage or self-loathing. These negative selves stop you from being your best. So challenge these and turn them into self belief, self sufficiency, self respect and self love.
   
9. Let go of the past- grab the lessons and move on. Holding on to the past will only keep you stuck in the same feelings
   
10. Let go of expectations – turn expectations into acceptance. Accept where you are, accept who you are and accept those around you for who they are.
11. Save more, spend less – build financial security by being smart and responsible with your savings.
12. Invest in a life coach or a therapist who will push you out of your comfort zone- now is your time to expand. I thrive when I am being challenged. Let go of any out dated beliefs which no longer serve you.
    
13. Express your love and gratitude to your loved ones daily- gratitude keeps your heart open and when we express our gratitude to those around them and let them know they are loved they open too.
14. Spend intimate time with your partner- let go petty arguments, be present to what your partner needs and listen with your heart.
15. Have no regrets- say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.
16. Try something new – enroll in a course or do something you have never done before
    

 Each New Year starts as an empty canvas awaiting our experiences to paint its picture. Let’s make it a great one!

Thank you for your support this year in following my blog!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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What Bad Habits are you leaving behind in 2015? Here’s a quick exercise to help

The end of year always brings a great time to reflect on the past and get clear on what you want to the next year to bring. And one of the most obvious yet often overlooked aspects of our lives is the bad habits we keep repeating year after year, keeping us stuck in the same reality. 

If we do not gain self-awareness around what bad habits are blocking us we will blindly continue to do what we always do, and will never evolve to a new more resourceful way of being.

So here is a quick and effective self-awareness exercise to help you gain clarity around what bad habits need to be left behind in 2015 so that you can leap into 2016 with greater clarity and awareness and truly allow yourself to step up and go to places you have not allowed yourself to go to before.

Print out these questions and give yourself about an hour to slowly meditate on the questions and answer as specifically and as detailed as possible…

1. What bad habits are limiting my potential?
   
2. In what ways are these bad habits limiting me?
   
3. What am I missing out on as a result of my bad habits?
4. What will be present in my life once I get rid of my bad habits? (List 10 concrete things you can think of which will be present once bad habits are shed)
5. What prevents me from changing?
6. What needs to happen in order for change to occur?
7. What support do I need?
8. What is a new positive habit that I can replace my old one with? (Answer this one for each bad habit listed)
9. How can I reinforce my positive habit?
10. How can I rewards myself for developing these habits?

Once you have identified your new habits, write those out clearly on their own piece of paper and stick that up where you can see them daily to help remind you what habits and behaviors you are working towards this coming year. You can also list them on your phone and use as a screen saver as reinforcement.

List your bad habits on their own separate piece of paper and do a letting go exercise by tearing it up into little pieces and burning. This allows you to emotionally and energetically commit to letting go and shedding your old self. (Great to do this upcoming full moon).

As you shed your old unresourceful habits you allow yourself to grow higher into your authentic self- the best version of you!

Enjoy and please email me if you need some help.

Wishing you a very a happy new year!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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22 Insights from an Evening with Oprah

I was privileged to see Oprah speak in Melbourne live last week, and thought it would be great to share with you the insights I took from that evening! 

Such simple truths were shared which spoke straight to the wisdom of my soul. 

Enjoy…


1.When you don’t know what to do and feel lost get still and listen to the whispers of your inner voice. You cannot hear your inner voice when the outside noise and outside voices are drowning it out.

    2. There is no life without spiritual life

    3. Be obedient to the voice of your inner calling. Your legacy is to leave a heart print on those lives you come into contact with.

    4.You must understand what the soul has come here to do and use the personality to serve the purpose of your soul.

5. No one can touch you when you are being authentically you

6. When things go wrong, it is life’s way of moving you to something new and something better. There is no such thing as failure, it is moving you in another direction
7. Life is validated through service with others; ask yourself, how do I use what I do to serve others and watch your life take off.

    8. Everyone is searching for the same inner need, to be heard, let people know you hear them.

    9. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction- everything you put out will come back to you in some way or another.
     
    10. You are the co-creator of your life and create your life based on your intention. Get clear on your intention. You are responsible for your intention because your intention determines what is coming back to you on the other side.

 11. “I am the Master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Invictus

 12. You are energetically always drawing things towards you.

 13. You become what you believe- what is the greatest belief you can have for yourself

 14. The energy you use to carry those beliefs is the energy you carry into your life

 15. Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room

 16. Let go of the ‘disease to please’ speak your truth and set your boundaries. It’s ok to say no.

 17. The greatest energy and power is love. Love is grace and kindness

 18. Fear, anxiety, depression, rage, anger and pain all stem from the belief that I am not worthy.

 19. When trouble comes in, ask yourself, what is it here to teach me? Ask yourself, why does this keep showing up in my life?

 20. In times of turmoil, remember, you are building strength. Create a new vision to see yourself from a new perspective, you are always getting a second chance.   

       21.In the midst of troubles, always look for ways to be grateful. Keep a gratitude journal.

 22. Build sustainable success and claim your power

These messages spoke to the depth and wisdom within my heart and reminded me that everything I have is within me and all I need to do is get still and listen.

Which insights speak most to you?

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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A simple technique to protect yourself from someone else's projection!

Don’t you hate it when someone projects their stuff onto you?

Projection is a subconscious coping mechanism to help a person deflect a challenging situation away from themselves and place the attention onto another person. In order to protect themselves from feeling unease a person displaces their emotion elsewhere. It can also be referred to as blame shifting whereby a person blames another person rather than owning the feelings or the reality within themselves leaving them to play the role as the victim.

The ‘proud projector’ disowns parts of themselves by highlighting or seeing them in others. This is the key to understanding projection because what a person is purging onto another is actually the parts of themselves they dislike or refuse to take responsibility for.

Imagine the scenario of standing in a supermarket line gazing out in front of you. You catch the glimpse of the person in front of you who is frustrated about waiting in a line. As your eyes meet they say, why are you giving me such a bad look- what did I ever do to you? This type of perception can only happen because they are in a negative state and possibly have a lower self-image and because this aggression is within them, they see it in you.

Projection can be hurtful, negative and completely dis-empowering when we do not have clear awareness around what is going on and we passively take on energy from another person. The minute we buy into what the other person is saying or projecting onto us, then we take on that feeling and it affects us emotionally. We can feel ourselves shrink the moment we take on the negative and we can hear our inner thoughts move from clarity towards self-doubt or self-criticism.

This is normally what projection sounds like:

You always do this…

You are so irritating when you do that…

You are such a blah blah blah….

As you can see the common word is YOU!

The moment your subconscious mind hears the word YOU, you will have a natural mechanism to defend yourself, so instinctively you will react back.  Your reaction would then throw fuel to an already sensitive fire, and that person would then attack back- creating conflict and stress.

So this is a technique which I have taught my children, which will help you redefine or re-frame a projected comment from another and have more clarity around what is going on for them. This will allow you to self-manage your own reaction instead of blindly reacting. This will instantly shift the dynamics of the conversation and will therefore stop you from taking on any of that gooey energy.

Very simply, this is how it works… As you hear a person say, you always, or you never, or you are such a …  in your own thoughts, simply replace the word YOU with the word I. Now in your thoughts you will hear,  I always do this... I am so irritating when… I am such a ….

Now that your mind is hearing I am instead of you are , you will  alleviate your inner reaction.

How simple yet effective is that? 

Even though they may not be owning up to their own self limitation by using the word I, it gives you insight into how that person sees themselves and it gives you insight into the tapestry of their thoughts and belief system.

This insight and awareness is powerful because you shift away from taking it personally to seeing the situation through compassionate eyes, because you can now see into their own belief system.

You can even take this further by reflecting that awareness back onto that person. For example, asking them, “how come you see yourself that way?” A ‘proud projector’ will have no idea what you are talking about, however it will stop you from taking on negative emotion and shrinking to staying in your power and remaining detached.

The more you remain detached the less reactive you become and the more confident and empowered you can stay.

Give it a try and let me know how you go!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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Why is Your Brain so Stubborn?

I want to change but I don't know how

I know what I need to do but keep defaulting back to my usual ways

It feels so fake and out of character to do anything differently

These are comments I hear continuously from clients who feel stuck and unable to move themselves forwards. Often they explain how stubborn their minds are and do not allow them to change.

The reality is that your brain is stubborn because it has a myriad of very clever strategies designed to keep you doing what you do to ensure self-preservation. This means that you are wired and conditioned through repetitive thoughts and actions to be who you are. The brain is only doing what it is programmed to do with its main motivation to keep you safe and keep you in your comfort zone because, well…that is the ego mind’s role... To keep you safe and avoid pain.

Some of these 'safety strategies' serve you and really do keep you safe but others are designed to help you avoid any perceived pain and are actually limiting you. And although they may help you feel safe, these strategies are keeping you small and preventing you from reaching your full potential.

These sort of strategies limit your potential they do not enhance your potential. And these strategies are known as avoidance strategies because they help you avoid the perception of pain and seek pleasure by staying safe.  

I like to think of these avoidance strategies as the “glitches” in our system. Think of a computer program. A computer program is made up of a delicate series of lines of code to tell the program what to do. If there is a glitch in any single line of code the whole system collapses. And if you were to upgrade that computer program to perform better or do new tricks, you would need to change the coding to ensure its ‘wired’ to do what you need it to do.

The brain works the exact same way! (See past post, How to think like Google)

So these are the main 3 Avoidance Strategies I observe which aim to keep you safe and small and limiting your true growth and self-actualization:

Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a strategy, I have studied deeply over the last decade because it is my default ASS (Avoidance Stupid Strategy) In fact, I’d say I had a BIG ASS (sorry, I could not help myself with that one) J

Overwhelm has been a great strategy to keep me small and out of my power, because I had the habit of piling things onto my plate to make me feel like I was busy and achieving. I could not say no to anyone, because I did not want to let anyone down so I would keep on doing and doing and doing in order to feel proud of myself.

But then suddenly there would be a straw which would break the camel’s back and everything would come crashing down as my mind went into overload and overwhelm!

Suddenly everything would feel too much and everything would fall into a heap and I would feel like an emotional mess. This would happen in perfect timing for me to throw in the towel, say it’s all too much, withdraw into self-pity and give up!

This was such a clever strategy until I realized how subconsciously it was working and how it was purposefully designed to make me appear that I was taking responsibility and achieving yet would allow me to give it all up. So in essence what this strategy allowed me to do was avoid taking full responsibility for myself and my life like an adult.

Once I had this awareness, I could dis-empower the strategy and rewrite the necessary code to ultimately help me take responsibility and success. This meant noticing when I was crossing personal boundaries and learning to say NO instead of people pleasing and self sacrificing. This in turn allowed me to emotionally and energetically manage myself which magically dissolved the habit of overwhelm.

Procrastination

Procrastination works the same way. Although there are times when we need to pace ourselves and let things develop organically, there are times when we intentionally procrastinate to avoid the pain of doing what we need to do.

By procrastinating we get to avoid the potentiality of failure, the possibility of judgement, taking responsibility or following through.

I remember, years ago a great teacher of mine described procrastination as the fear of being controlled or avoiding being told what to do. This happens when freedom is high on your value list. This need for freedom causes you to avoid doing what others ask you to do and therefore procrastinate.

I think my kids have mastered this strategy!

Fear        

Now of course we need a certain amount of fear, yet there is caution and there is FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real). And fear as an illusion is the mother of all avoidance strategies. As we focus on the perception of fear it paralyses all action and ensures we stop trying and curl into the shell of our comfort zone.

Think about how the fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of judgement, fear of abandonment, or fear of speaking up for yourself is keeping you small and safe.

Once you begin to notice how any of these strategies are causing you to avoid the perceived pain, shift your thinking to realizing that the more you play safe, the longer you stay small and the more you miss out on being and having in your full potential.

Take small, bite sized steps consistently every day to challenge yourself out of your comfort zone. Rewrite your inner self talk so that you can change your conditioned coding and upgrade yourself to a program which is going to bring you authentic happiness and joy in your life. And as you recondition your thinking in this positive direction, you will notice the stress and stubbornness transform into fluidity and flexibility.

Enjoy! 

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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18 November  8pm-9pm.  Held at The Tranquility Centre 357 North Road South Caulfield To Book email Cheryne 

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15 Ways to RESPECT Yourself Today!

We are pro’s at beating ourselves up, placing high or unrealistic expectations on ourselves or pushing ourselves beyond what we can cope with. And although it is great to challenge ourselves, continuous behaviors which leave us feeling disrespected wear down our self-worth, our self-confidence and leave us dis-empowered

Alternatively, every time you show yourself self-respect you increase your self-worth, you feel proud of yourself and therefore increase your confidence and your self-empowerment.

Once you program your ‘inner critic’ to be nurturing, loving and respectful you will be able to be kinder towards yourself and increase your internal Self Love Tank. This in turn will give you a sense of self integrity which builds your enthusiasm and empowerment and helps you feel aligned.

So here are 15 ways you can show yourself respect today:

1.    Speak your truth with graceful assertion

Keeping quiet for the sake of keeping the peace or reacting with an emotional explosion both drain your energy and leave you feeling shameful, embarrassed or dis-empowered. 

Learning to calmly and confidently communicate yourself in a way which is aligned with your values, is a way of demonstrating self-respect and self-worth. (Please also see 3 Steps to confident communication)

2.    Break on addiction

Instead of reaching for the cookies, or the bottle of wine or the (you fill the blank) turn to a resourceful action which demonstrates respecting yourself. 

For example, before you head straight for your "self-soother" stop and pause, take a few deep breaths, ask yourself what you are feeling and feel that feeling in your body. Breathe through that feeling while you focus on your breath gently soothing and clearing your emotion. Feel the stillness and the calmness and then come back to your present moment and see if you need your "habit" then.

3.    Make yourself a beautiful meal

           Cook up something healthy, colorful and yummy, put it on a nice plate,                      presented and go sit in the sunshine or your favorite spot. Eat mindfully and                with gratitude and appreciation

4.    Forgive self

Yep, a big one. Let go of beating yourself up and realize that you are doing the best you can with the resources you have.  Focus on the lessons you can teach yourself and allow yourself to grow from those. Let go and let yourself free.

5.    Give to someone in need or less fortunate

Every time we give we open ourselves up to receive. And as we receive gratitude back, it fills our inner tank and gives us respect, worth and empowerment.

6.    Allow yourself to receive something special

Receiving is often the hardest part, yet it is what we give ourselves when we respect ourselves and feel worthy of it. Opening yourself up to receive allows you to complete the cycle of reciprocity and allow someone to benefit from the art of giving as well.

7.    Be around positive people and energy which makes you feel good

Are you starting to read that we are breaking all people pleasing behaviors? This will include saying no to arrangements with negative energy which will leave you feeling drained and out of control. Alternatively, being around positive people fuels your soul and gives you energy.

Obviously, sometimes we cannot avoid certain situations, so if you find yourself in a negative situation with draining energy, direct your thoughts and energy towards giving yourself positivity and love. This instantly creates a shield like force around you which allows their negativity to bounce off you.

8.    Move your body

Exercise, exercise and exercise! Moving your body releases feel good hormones and helps you feel great about yourself.

9.    Give yourself an inner hug

Oh, I love this one. This is the ultimate expression of self-compassion and self-respect. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze as if you were giving your best friend your biggest hug ever! I also love to imagine my scared inner child and visualize giving her a great big hug and telling her that she is safe and loved.

10.  Avoid situations which lead to shame

          This includes talking badly or gossiping about others which actually drain your             energy and leave you dis-empowered.

11.  Clean up an area in your personal space(declutter)

The space around you represents how you feel within. If you have lots of mess and clutter around you, it blocks and drains your energy and represents the clutter in your mind. Having a clean, open decluttered space allows you to feel open and free!

12.  Follow through on inspired thoughts

Every time you have an inspired thought, which is a thought which totally energizes you, listen and follow your intuition and inner guidance which will not only give you self-respect, it will also allow you to manifest magnificence for yourself.

13.   Stay focused on your goals

Complete those tasks you have been promising yourself you will complete and keep a list of everything you have completed so that you can see how much you have actually achieved.

14.  Observe an area of your life out of integrity and commit to someway being more true to yourself

Where in your life are you out of integrity and not being true to yourself? Where in your life are you loosing or giving away your power? As you focus giving the power back to yourself and having more integrity you will fuel up your self-respect!

15.  Do something great or special for yourself

Treat yourself to something special because you deserve it and because it will make you feel great. Buy yourself something special, get yourself pampered your take yourself away somewhere refreshing!

How else will you respect yourself today?

Enjoy!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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