Lessons from My Zen Master (who is also my 2 year old son)

I have this wonderful little man in my life who, although can challenge me to tears some days, is also teaching me the most amazing life lessons. His name is Jai and he happens to be my 2 year old son.

Going back to have my third child in my forties has been quite a journey. When I had my older kids in my twenties and thirties, I was so busy finding me and busy in life...navigating myself in a new marriage, running a stressful business, finding my voice… 

And today, although there are moments when my body says, hey lady you are in your mid-forties, I am able to see things through a greater sense of wisdom and clarity and feel like this time round I am more present, engaged and aware that I am being shown such simple yet profound lessons from these beautiful gems in my life.

So here are my favorite five lessons from my little Buddha:

There is only this moment
Jai has no construct of time, there is only now! No tomorrow, no yesterday, no next week, no in a couple hours… only now. When he is playing with something he is fully immersed in it (well, for a few precious seconds) and finds the joy in whatever he does. He doesn’t multitask or try and fit in as much as he can in one day, he is not focused on how productive he is being or if he is winning or losing…all he has is this very moment.

I cannot rush him as that is when the tantrums erupt, I am learning to live on toddler time, and give us more time to get places and do less each day. I love the idea of toddler time, there is total freedom and joy and total mindfulness.

Life is about getting messy 

Oh yeah! By the end of Jai’s day he has stepped in some serious mud, picked up all sorts of dirt from the garden, whatever he has consumed is all-over himself, and he is sticky, sweaty and smelly. Yet it does not bother him and he has taught me to roll up my sleeves and get messy… roll in the mud , sink your hands in and embrace life.

At what stage did we forget to play and get messy?

It’s all about me.
At some stage we develop that awful disease to please and put others first over ourselves. But not the toddler…My needs come first, there is no disease to please or being a martyr.

Their needs come first and what they need matters. They do not second guess themselves or question their needs. They need and then ask…it’s very simple!

At some stage we develop self-doubt and question our self-worth…imagine we stayed in the tenacity and confidence of the toddler?

My needs are simple
I often think I need to be doing more with him…take him to a play centre, the zoo, park etc …but his needs are simple and do not need to be complicated. His happiness is simple eat, s**t, play, sleep, enjoy the sunshine, have fun, be curious, find an adventure and explore!

This is such a beautiful lesson because as adults we tend to complicate our lives and we forget the basic elements which truly light us up and bring us joy. Happiness is simple!

All we need is love

Yes, there needs to be boundaries and guidelines and of course there needs to be safety rules, yet what makes him thrive is to bath him in love and kisses and lots of cuddles.

He will learn his way and discover his own lessons…all I need to do is love him unconditionally and let him know that he has a safe place to land no matter what! Unconditional love teaches us that we are valued and have unique gifts to offer the world.

This is our greatest human need and everything else is insignificant. I do not need to over parent or parent from fear, love is simple!

The toddler is being their essence, their true authentic self which encompasses all their uniqueness, joy, wisdom and presence. Imagine if we were all able to stay in this space of simplicity and truth?

I’d love to hear about the lessons you learn from the kids in your life? Please feel free to share here.

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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10 Self Coaching Questions to Help You Move Forwards

One of the best gifts you get from investing in a life coaching journey is the ability to self-coach yourself out of difficult situations to shift your mindset and move forwards with calmness and clarity.

Self-coaching questions are questions you ask yourself to bring fear and negative thinking to a halt, allow yourself to pause and ask yourself a question that activates new ways of thinking and new perspectives. 

These new thoughts shift your perception and help you see a situation from a multitude of sides and then chose which perspective or decision feels most empowering for you.

Without having these powerful circuit breakers, fear gets the better of us and we end up reacting to a situation emotionally which leaves us filled with shame, guilt, regret and dis-empowerment.

Having powerful questions to ask yourself in a moment of doubt, fear or dis-empowerment will help you break away from sabotaging behaviors and it is like having the voice of your life coach in your ear guiding you towards a good decision.

And each time you are able to make empowering moment to moment decisions for yourself, you will lift your confidence and self-respect.

So here are my top 10 SELF COACHING QUESTIONS I teach my clients to help them

move forwards from difficult situations.

1. What would I do if I felt courage, right now? This question is designed to shake you out of fear, but instead of telling yourself to stop being fearful, your focus is shifted to courage and to help you identify how your decisions can be shaped by having courage
2. What decision would I make if I showed myself self-respect? Instead of sabotaging yourself and giving in to emotion and addictive behavior, this question directs your focus towards self respect and helps you make decisions which increase self-respect which in turn increase self-worth.
3. What if I had total trust right now? IIf emotion was laid out along a spectrum, Fear and trust would be at the two opposite sides. Trusting yourself and trusting in a higher power helps you embrace uncertainty, helps you be more present and resilient and trust holds your mental wellness like the trunk of a tree, holding you strong and centered.
4. What is standing in the way of my success?I love this question. This question helps you gain awareness around what sabotaging or limiting behaviors, such us bad habits and negative thinking, are standing in your way.
5. What/who is draining my energy? When you are able to catch the energy vampires and protect your energy field, you are able to stop others from draining you.
   
   Although we don’t realize this, it is so important, because the lack of awareness means we take on other people’s STUFF and lose our center and focus.
6. How can I take my power back? Do you need to step back or speak up? Standing your ground and speaking up for yourself will give you your power back. Sometimes the same can be achieved in walking away as well.
7. What is my truth and how can I speak my truth right now? Sometimes we get lost in who we need to be and how we can please others and in doing so we lose ourselves and what is our true authentic state. This question is designed to help align you back to you and what matters most to you. It allows you to put yourself first and empower yourself.
8. How can I take charge of this situation? This question helps get you out of victim mentality where we withdraw in self-pity instead of taking responsibility. It stops you from hiding in the comfort of avoidance and procrastination and allows you to take charge and take the necessary action steps.
9. What do I need to let go of to move forwards right now? Are you holding onto the past, holding onto negative belief systems or holding on to situations that are not bringing you joy?
   
   Living in the past or future will rob you from the joy of this present moment. So this question allows you to gain awareness around what you are holding onto and help yourself to let go and move forwards.
10. Am I seeing this situation clearly; am I seeing things for the way they are? This question allows you to have compassion and empathy without just instantly taking things personally. The moment you take things personally you judge yourself and others and you define the situation by that judgment.
    
    Life is never one dimensional, there are always many different perspectives and scenarios happening at one time, so by asking yourself this question you can stop and observe all the dimensions of a situation and notice what is really going on.
    For example if a person is criticizing you or putting you down, by stopping and noticing if you are seeing the situation clearly means you will now observe what else is going on for that person and notice that perhaps they are projecting their own fear or limitations onto you.

In order to experience the benefits of these questions, the key is to REMEMBER TO REMEMBER…remember to STOP and break the negative thinking and then replace that negative thought with a powerful self-coaching question.

Please let me know how these start to work for you!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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NEW Learn how to develop more mindfulness in every moment  Download FREE 7 day video series called Be a Mindful You! Please note I will be redoing this course next month, so please download now!

16 ways to make 2016 your most extraordinary year!

I love how here in Australia and in many other countries New Years is marked with an explosion of fireworks. What a powerful symbol! It is as if we are blowing up the past, turning it into beautiful shiny bits and then having a clear new path to create a new year of magic.

2015 brought some great challenges so let’s let go of the hardships and the negatives, let’s blow them up and turn them into shiny golden nuggets of learning. Lessons we can take with us to make this a fantastic year for us.

Year are my 16 golden nuggets to help you have an extraordinary year!

1. Live in the moment – focus on the individual magic each day brings. When we live in the moment we maximize our time and we are more engaged in everything we do.
2. Be with people who make you feel good about yourself and belief in you- let go of the energy drainers and the people you walk away from where you feel bad about yourself or in a negative space. These people do not serve you and do not make you happy so surround yourself with people who believe in you and who uplift you.
3. Respect yourself – eat well, sleep well, speak well and do everything you can to respect you are and what you need to thrive. This gives you a great sense of integrity and pride for yourself.
4. Move your body – keep yourself active and healthy. Do not let emotion build up in your body, causing you to become drained and cloudy. Do any form of movement which uplifts you and makes you feel lighter and brighter.
5. Get it done! 2016 is a 9 year, which symbolizes completion. So this is the year to complete those tasks you have started!
6. Make new friends- expand your horizons and meet new people who mirror your growth and reflect back to you the greatness present in your life.
7. Focus at least 20 minutes a day on a creative outlet- blocked creative energy can turn to feelings of anxiety, depression and addictive behavior. So follow your bliss without inner judgment or shame. Have fun creatively as if you were re-living your childhood freedom.
8. Challenge yourself – do not tolerate self-doubt, self-pity, self sabotage or self-loathing. These negative selves stop you from being your best. So challenge these and turn them into self belief, self sufficiency, self respect and self love.
   
9. Let go of the past- grab the lessons and move on. Holding on to the past will only keep you stuck in the same feelings
   
10. Let go of expectations – turn expectations into acceptance. Accept where you are, accept who you are and accept those around you for who they are.
11. Save more, spend less – build financial security by being smart and responsible with your savings.
12. Invest in a life coach or a therapist who will push you out of your comfort zone- now is your time to expand. I thrive when I am being challenged. Let go of any out dated beliefs which no longer serve you.
    
13. Express your love and gratitude to your loved ones daily- gratitude keeps your heart open and when we express our gratitude to those around them and let them know they are loved they open too.
14. Spend intimate time with your partner- let go petty arguments, be present to what your partner needs and listen with your heart.
15. Have no regrets- say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done.
16. Try something new – enroll in a course or do something you have never done before
    

 Each New Year starts as an empty canvas awaiting our experiences to paint its picture. Let’s make it a great one!

Thank you for your support this year in following my blog!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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Goal Setting Workshop. 16 January 2016 1pm-4pm. Investment $47. Have a fun and creative space to map out your goals for 2016 using an easy and effective goal setting tool. To Book email Cheryne 

NEW Learn how to develop more mindfulness in every moment  Download FREE 7 day video series called Be a Mindful You!. 

What Bad Habits are you leaving behind in 2015? Here’s a quick exercise to help

The end of year always brings a great time to reflect on the past and get clear on what you want to the next year to bring. And one of the most obvious yet often overlooked aspects of our lives is the bad habits we keep repeating year after year, keeping us stuck in the same reality. 

If we do not gain self-awareness around what bad habits are blocking us we will blindly continue to do what we always do, and will never evolve to a new more resourceful way of being.

So here is a quick and effective self-awareness exercise to help you gain clarity around what bad habits need to be left behind in 2015 so that you can leap into 2016 with greater clarity and awareness and truly allow yourself to step up and go to places you have not allowed yourself to go to before.

Print out these questions and give yourself about an hour to slowly meditate on the questions and answer as specifically and as detailed as possible…

1. What bad habits are limiting my potential?
   
2. In what ways are these bad habits limiting me?
   
3. What am I missing out on as a result of my bad habits?
4. What will be present in my life once I get rid of my bad habits? (List 10 concrete things you can think of which will be present once bad habits are shed)
5. What prevents me from changing?
6. What needs to happen in order for change to occur?
7. What support do I need?
8. What is a new positive habit that I can replace my old one with? (Answer this one for each bad habit listed)
9. How can I reinforce my positive habit?
10. How can I rewards myself for developing these habits?

Once you have identified your new habits, write those out clearly on their own piece of paper and stick that up where you can see them daily to help remind you what habits and behaviors you are working towards this coming year. You can also list them on your phone and use as a screen saver as reinforcement.

List your bad habits on their own separate piece of paper and do a letting go exercise by tearing it up into little pieces and burning. This allows you to emotionally and energetically commit to letting go and shedding your old self. (Great to do this upcoming full moon).

As you shed your old unresourceful habits you allow yourself to grow higher into your authentic self- the best version of you!

Enjoy and please email me if you need some help.

Wishing you a very a happy new year!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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22 Insights from an Evening with Oprah

I was privileged to see Oprah speak in Melbourne live last week, and thought it would be great to share with you the insights I took from that evening! 

Such simple truths were shared which spoke straight to the wisdom of my soul. 

Enjoy…


1.When you don’t know what to do and feel lost get still and listen to the whispers of your inner voice. You cannot hear your inner voice when the outside noise and outside voices are drowning it out.

    2. There is no life without spiritual life

    3. Be obedient to the voice of your inner calling. Your legacy is to leave a heart print on those lives you come into contact with.

    4.You must understand what the soul has come here to do and use the personality to serve the purpose of your soul.

5. No one can touch you when you are being authentically you

6. When things go wrong, it is life’s way of moving you to something new and something better. There is no such thing as failure, it is moving you in another direction
7. Life is validated through service with others; ask yourself, how do I use what I do to serve others and watch your life take off.

    8. Everyone is searching for the same inner need, to be heard, let people know you hear them.

    9. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction- everything you put out will come back to you in some way or another.
     
    10. You are the co-creator of your life and create your life based on your intention. Get clear on your intention. You are responsible for your intention because your intention determines what is coming back to you on the other side.

 11. “I am the Master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” Invictus

 12. You are energetically always drawing things towards you.

 13. You become what you believe- what is the greatest belief you can have for yourself

 14. The energy you use to carry those beliefs is the energy you carry into your life

 15. Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room

 16. Let go of the ‘disease to please’ speak your truth and set your boundaries. It’s ok to say no.

 17. The greatest energy and power is love. Love is grace and kindness

 18. Fear, anxiety, depression, rage, anger and pain all stem from the belief that I am not worthy.

 19. When trouble comes in, ask yourself, what is it here to teach me? Ask yourself, why does this keep showing up in my life?

 20. In times of turmoil, remember, you are building strength. Create a new vision to see yourself from a new perspective, you are always getting a second chance.   

       21.In the midst of troubles, always look for ways to be grateful. Keep a gratitude journal.

 22. Build sustainable success and claim your power

These messages spoke to the depth and wisdom within my heart and reminded me that everything I have is within me and all I need to do is get still and listen.

Which insights speak most to you?

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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NEW! Mindful Movement Class- An integration of Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Meditation and Stretching. 16 December  8pm-9pm.  Held at The Tranquility Centre 357 North Road South Caulfield To Book email Cheryne 

NEW Learn how to develop more mindfulness in every moment  Download FREE 7 day video series called Be a Mindful You!. Book Cheryne to speak at your next event.

A simple technique to protect yourself from someone else's projection!

Don’t you hate it when someone projects their stuff onto you?

Projection is a subconscious coping mechanism to help a person deflect a challenging situation away from themselves and place the attention onto another person. In order to protect themselves from feeling unease a person displaces their emotion elsewhere. It can also be referred to as blame shifting whereby a person blames another person rather than owning the feelings or the reality within themselves leaving them to play the role as the victim.

The ‘proud projector’ disowns parts of themselves by highlighting or seeing them in others. This is the key to understanding projection because what a person is purging onto another is actually the parts of themselves they dislike or refuse to take responsibility for.

Imagine the scenario of standing in a supermarket line gazing out in front of you. You catch the glimpse of the person in front of you who is frustrated about waiting in a line. As your eyes meet they say, why are you giving me such a bad look- what did I ever do to you? This type of perception can only happen because they are in a negative state and possibly have a lower self-image and because this aggression is within them, they see it in you.

Projection can be hurtful, negative and completely dis-empowering when we do not have clear awareness around what is going on and we passively take on energy from another person. The minute we buy into what the other person is saying or projecting onto us, then we take on that feeling and it affects us emotionally. We can feel ourselves shrink the moment we take on the negative and we can hear our inner thoughts move from clarity towards self-doubt or self-criticism.

This is normally what projection sounds like:

You always do this…

You are so irritating when you do that…

You are such a blah blah blah….

As you can see the common word is YOU!

The moment your subconscious mind hears the word YOU, you will have a natural mechanism to defend yourself, so instinctively you will react back.  Your reaction would then throw fuel to an already sensitive fire, and that person would then attack back- creating conflict and stress.

So this is a technique which I have taught my children, which will help you redefine or re-frame a projected comment from another and have more clarity around what is going on for them. This will allow you to self-manage your own reaction instead of blindly reacting. This will instantly shift the dynamics of the conversation and will therefore stop you from taking on any of that gooey energy.

Very simply, this is how it works… As you hear a person say, you always, or you never, or you are such a …  in your own thoughts, simply replace the word YOU with the word I. Now in your thoughts you will hear,  I always do this... I am so irritating when… I am such a ….

Now that your mind is hearing I am instead of you are , you will  alleviate your inner reaction.

How simple yet effective is that? 

Even though they may not be owning up to their own self limitation by using the word I, it gives you insight into how that person sees themselves and it gives you insight into the tapestry of their thoughts and belief system.

This insight and awareness is powerful because you shift away from taking it personally to seeing the situation through compassionate eyes, because you can now see into their own belief system.

You can even take this further by reflecting that awareness back onto that person. For example, asking them, “how come you see yourself that way?” A ‘proud projector’ will have no idea what you are talking about, however it will stop you from taking on negative emotion and shrinking to staying in your power and remaining detached.

The more you remain detached the less reactive you become and the more confident and empowered you can stay.

Give it a try and let me know how you go!

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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NEW! Mindful Movement Class- An integration of Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Meditation and Stretching. 16 December  8pm-9pm.  Held at The Tranquility Centre 357 North Road South Caulfield To Book email Cheryne 

NEW Learn how to develop more mindfulness in every moment  Download FREE 7 day video series called Be a Mindful You!. Book Cheryne to speak at your next event.

Why is Your Brain so Stubborn?

I want to change but I don't know how

I know what I need to do but keep defaulting back to my usual ways

It feels so fake and out of character to do anything differently

These are comments I hear continuously from clients who feel stuck and unable to move themselves forwards. Often they explain how stubborn their minds are and do not allow them to change.

The reality is that your brain is stubborn because it has a myriad of very clever strategies designed to keep you doing what you do to ensure self-preservation. This means that you are wired and conditioned through repetitive thoughts and actions to be who you are. The brain is only doing what it is programmed to do with its main motivation to keep you safe and keep you in your comfort zone because, well…that is the ego mind’s role... To keep you safe and avoid pain.

Some of these 'safety strategies' serve you and really do keep you safe but others are designed to help you avoid any perceived pain and are actually limiting you. And although they may help you feel safe, these strategies are keeping you small and preventing you from reaching your full potential.

These sort of strategies limit your potential they do not enhance your potential. And these strategies are known as avoidance strategies because they help you avoid the perception of pain and seek pleasure by staying safe.  

I like to think of these avoidance strategies as the “glitches” in our system. Think of a computer program. A computer program is made up of a delicate series of lines of code to tell the program what to do. If there is a glitch in any single line of code the whole system collapses. And if you were to upgrade that computer program to perform better or do new tricks, you would need to change the coding to ensure its ‘wired’ to do what you need it to do.

The brain works the exact same way! (See past post, How to think like Google)

So these are the main 3 Avoidance Strategies I observe which aim to keep you safe and small and limiting your true growth and self-actualization:

Overwhelm

Overwhelm is a strategy, I have studied deeply over the last decade because it is my default ASS (Avoidance Stupid Strategy) In fact, I’d say I had a BIG ASS (sorry, I could not help myself with that one) J

Overwhelm has been a great strategy to keep me small and out of my power, because I had the habit of piling things onto my plate to make me feel like I was busy and achieving. I could not say no to anyone, because I did not want to let anyone down so I would keep on doing and doing and doing in order to feel proud of myself.

But then suddenly there would be a straw which would break the camel’s back and everything would come crashing down as my mind went into overload and overwhelm!

Suddenly everything would feel too much and everything would fall into a heap and I would feel like an emotional mess. This would happen in perfect timing for me to throw in the towel, say it’s all too much, withdraw into self-pity and give up!

This was such a clever strategy until I realized how subconsciously it was working and how it was purposefully designed to make me appear that I was taking responsibility and achieving yet would allow me to give it all up. So in essence what this strategy allowed me to do was avoid taking full responsibility for myself and my life like an adult.

Once I had this awareness, I could dis-empower the strategy and rewrite the necessary code to ultimately help me take responsibility and success. This meant noticing when I was crossing personal boundaries and learning to say NO instead of people pleasing and self sacrificing. This in turn allowed me to emotionally and energetically manage myself which magically dissolved the habit of overwhelm.

Procrastination

Procrastination works the same way. Although there are times when we need to pace ourselves and let things develop organically, there are times when we intentionally procrastinate to avoid the pain of doing what we need to do.

By procrastinating we get to avoid the potentiality of failure, the possibility of judgement, taking responsibility or following through.

I remember, years ago a great teacher of mine described procrastination as the fear of being controlled or avoiding being told what to do. This happens when freedom is high on your value list. This need for freedom causes you to avoid doing what others ask you to do and therefore procrastinate.

I think my kids have mastered this strategy!

Fear        

Now of course we need a certain amount of fear, yet there is caution and there is FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real). And fear as an illusion is the mother of all avoidance strategies. As we focus on the perception of fear it paralyses all action and ensures we stop trying and curl into the shell of our comfort zone.

Think about how the fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of judgement, fear of abandonment, or fear of speaking up for yourself is keeping you small and safe.

Once you begin to notice how any of these strategies are causing you to avoid the perceived pain, shift your thinking to realizing that the more you play safe, the longer you stay small and the more you miss out on being and having in your full potential.

Take small, bite sized steps consistently every day to challenge yourself out of your comfort zone. Rewrite your inner self talk so that you can change your conditioned coding and upgrade yourself to a program which is going to bring you authentic happiness and joy in your life. And as you recondition your thinking in this positive direction, you will notice the stress and stubbornness transform into fluidity and flexibility.

Enjoy! 

To your truth and freedom with lots of love,

Cheryne 

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NEW! Mindful Movement Class- An integration of Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Meditation and Stretching.
18 November  8pm-9pm.  Held at The Tranquility Centre 357 North Road South Caulfield To Book email Cheryne 

NEW Learn how to develop more mindfulness in every moment  Download FREE 7 day video series called Be a Mindful You!. Book Cheryne to speak at your next event.