For many of us, at some stage in our early development we experienced rejection, abandonment, neglect or a feeling that we do not belong or are not accepted by others. These first experiences cause a shock to our system, a trauma which creates an inner wound or imprint on our psyche. These experiences are all relative to our own personalities and can be as mild as our first crush not being interested in us to the experience of parental neglect or abuse. Obviously the later will cause a greater level of pain and trauma, however the beliefs of I am not lovable, I am not worthy of love, or I am not good enough to be loved are created. And these beliefs now shape us for the rest of our existence.
These limiting beliefs can be so powerful and as damaging as they cause us to SHUT DOWN. Because we are not feeling good enough as we are, we SHUT DOWN our essence, our true self and we close off the pure energy of our heart centre. We shrink into the safety of our fear and negativity and shut down the expansion of our selves. Signs of shut down include:
We become self conscious about ourselves
We stop expressing ourselves openly and purely and censor what we say to others in order to be accepted and loved
We compare ourselves to others which amplifies the elements we feel are not lovable
We forget doing what is important to us and do what others want
We do what we can to please others and get their acceptance and recognition
We lose our quirkiness and individuality because we fear people will judge us
We block our creativity in fear that no one will accept us
We begin to experience anger, frustration and a lock of purpose
We may begin to experience anxiety and a fear of safety and a fear of being alone.
So as we shut down we lose our essence and our core self and in time end up confused about who we are, confused about why we are here and we develop a great NEED to be loved, nurtured and taken care of. Worse than the need…we develop an expectation and a sense of entitlement to be loved; An expectation that another person will fulfill our need to be loved. What’s interesting here is that most relationships fail because of unmet expectations which in time turn into resentment…so if we drop the need…we drop the expectation…and we lose the disappointment.
In fact the more we fear the greater the need and the greater the loss of self and personal empowerment .We close off our hearts and protect ourselves and in doing so block ourselves from truly giving and receiving pure love. What we have done here is block and close the energy centre of our heart and lungs…THE HEART CHAKRA.
Signs of a blocked heart chakra include…
Depression
Apathy
Anxiety
Judgment of self and others
Low self esteem
Un-forgiveness
The need to protect ourselves and the inability to express ourselves authentically
Physically we may feel tightness or pain in the chest, breathlessness, lack of energy, lack of drive and focus, anger, and an inability to be in the present moment or in the now. As the heart chakra governs the heart and the lungs it is no surprise that heart disease and depression are the two major health issues we face in our society.
SO HOW DO WE BREAK THIS NEED TO BE LOVED AND FILL UP OUR LOVE TANKS SO THAT OUR HEARTS CAN BE OPEN AND THRIVING?
Breaking the need to be loved involves breaking the pattern of co-dependency and needing others to love and approve of you. It means you stop looking outside of yourself for fulfillment and begin to fill yourself up with self belief, self acceptance, self respect and SELF LOVE!
What this means is that, although having our partners fulfill our love strategy helps the inner child feel safe, nurtured and loved, we begin to take personal responsibility for loving ourselves. We embrace the best love affair we can have…the love affair with ourselves! This means the following…
© Talking to yourself in a gentle, loving tone…the same tone you would use for your best friend
© Viewing yourself in the mirror with admiration and acceptance
© Acts of kindness and service to your self
© Respecting yourself by making the right decisions for yourself, your well being and your happiness
© Nurturing yourself
© Treating or spoiling yourself
© Honouring who you are and acting from your full potential
© Allowing your individuality, uniqueness and authenticity to shine
© Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel great and energized
© BE IN NATURE…it is amazing how surrounding yourself with greenery and nature instantly opens your heart
© Do Yoga, dance or Tai Chi which focus on opening the heart exercises
© Do things you loved to do as a child- remember to PLAY
© Be passionate about the work you do
© Express your purpose in everything you do and
© Make sure your decisions are made from your core values and moral code (if you do not have a value code…define one)
As you begin to embrace loving yourself you will feel more energized, complete, whole and nurtured. The neediness and codependency will begin to fade and what will be replaced will be joy, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, unconditional love and a deep gratitude and appreciation for everything in your life.
Ahhhhhhh… the pathway to freedom!
Ahhhhhhh… the pathway to freedom!
Enjoy!
To your truth and freedom,
Cheryne
Please like this post on Facebook by clicking on the like button above and please share this post with your friends
To re-use this post in your publication please email Cheryne
To enquire about one on one coaching or couples coaching please email me
Couples Retreat
March 2013
Gembrook, Victoria
Take your relationship to the next level
Learn how to meditate in the comfort of your own home ONLINE
Meditation Made Easy Online Course commencing next week. Enquire here for more information
Bali Retreat
November 2012
Learn how to meditate level 2 commencing 24 October 2012. Click here to read more
No comments:
Post a Comment