Here's a Great Way For You To Be The Change

As a life couch, I constantly study fear, how we get into a state of fear and what causes fear. There are 2 types of fear, I observe all the time, which I can clearly see are a result of the judgmental nature of society: The Fear of Failure and The Fear of Success.


Have you noticed how much we judge each other? Let’s think about it- we are constantly passing judgments towards people around us and most of the time they are not positive. Not only do we judge others but we are always judging ourselves as well.

I had a vision a few weeks ago in one of my meditations, where I remembered being part of a tribe. We all lived in the same kind of ‘tents’ and as we stepped out each morning we looked at our tribe around us and embraced each other for who we are. We knew each others’ strengths and what each one had to offer and we focused on that. There was a great sense of unity and oneness, a great sense of acceptance.

As I connected with this beautiful memory, I had such a feeling of peace within me, as well as a feeling of self worth. As I came out of this blissful meditation, I realized that there was no fear in that picture and most importantly, there was no judgment.


Nowadays we have broken the bonds with our ‘tribe.’ We each live in our “private dwellings” and instead of being the same, we aim to be better then the next, or see ourselves not as worthy or good enough. This isolation has also led us to experience loneliness, competitiveness and the need to always be more. We come out of our homes and we instantly compare ourselves and compete with our neighbors. Comparing and competing has led us to judge others and judge ourselves and therefore rather than feeling that peace and sense of self worth within, we never feel good enough, feel like we do not belong, feel lonely, insecure and lose touch with who we truly are. Mainly because we become the person we feel will fit in more, be more popular, have more success and be better.


There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself (as you know I am all for that), however, we must be aware of our intention lying beneath the surface of our behavior. For example, are we striving to be our full potential so that we can give back and serve the people around us or are we trying to prove ourselves and fit in? (Two completely different intentions, one stemming from self love and one stemming from fear).

HOW DO WE JUDGE EACH OTHER? We gossip, put down, make fun of and bully. One only needs to hang out at any school yard anywhere in the world to recognize how mean we are to one another. And although we grow up and leave the “playground” we take those self-survival-strategies with us. We are not taught positive behaviors and we are not taught, most importantly the consequences of our behaviors. For example, if we knew that behaviors like teasing someone, leaving them out, and criticizing them would become the basis for emotional disturbances like depression, lack of self esteem and even suicide, wouldn’t we think more about every word that came out of our mouth? We would train ourselves to be compassionate, to embrace the good in others and bring out the best in each other. We would drop feeling threatened and fearing one another. We would also stop ourselves being manipulated by mass media that play on this weakness within us and condition us to create drama and gossip around us.




When you stop to think about it, you can now see that the key trigger or “stressor” which ignites a feeling of fear is the judgment you will possibly get from others. It is the core reason why most people fear public speaking (which more people fear then death). I hear it all the time, “Oh, I can’t say that…what will people think of me.”


We fear failing because we fear what others will say and what they will think of us, which is basically fearing how they will judge us. Therefore we keep ourselves small and remain in a lovely small “comfort zone” to protect ourselves from judgment. Most people will never follow their own gut feeling because they would rather listen to others over their own intuition and inner voice. This creates inner confusion, self doubt and causes us to avoid taking risks, avoid speaking up and avoid taking action.

We fear success for the very same reason. We fear the possible jealousy, competition or pressure from others if we succeed. Again we keep ourselves small and safe and do not follow through on inspired thoughts because we fear what people will think.


This plays out in our relationships as well. We may choose a partner who looks good, has a good status or someone our friends and family would approve of.


COMPASSION IS LEARNT BEHAVIOR

“Depression is the leading cause of disability as measured by YLDs and the 4th leading contributor to the global burden of disease (DALYs) is 2000. By the year 2020, depression is projected to reach 2nd place of the ranking of DALYs calculated for all ages, both sexes. Today depression is already the 2nd cause of DALYs in the age category 15-44 years of both sexes combined.” (World Health Organization)


This is a startling statistic and we MUST begin to take a collective responsibility to helping each other change and shift. As we change ourselves and grow we help others change and grow.

So…let’s ditch the judgment! We cannot control others or make another person do anything so let’s be the change and start by becoming aware of our own judgments we put onto others. And most importantly begin to become aware of the judgments and conditions you place onto yourself.


As we become aware of our judgments, lets flip it into acceptance;thinking of the great qualities a person may have. Rather than pull each other down, let’s build each other up (ultimately reflecting a great sense of inner self worth as well). Rather than “Tall Poppy Syndrome” let’s help build each other up and bring out the best in each other.
Most importantly let’s drop the self judgment by accepting ourselves and bringing that self to the world. I love to see it as an easy equation…

This quote by Dr John Demartini says it all…

Towards your truth and freedom,

Cheryne Blom

For more about Cheryne please also see: http://www.cheryneblom.com/ 

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