roller-coaster ride I have been travelling on came to completion; in the last few years I have challenged it, resisted it, crumbled from it and gone back round and round again like a kid on a merry-go-round. However this time I allowed the completion, feeling it was time. The inspired guidance I received this week came through so greatly and helped me stay calm and centred while life shifted around me…
"All endings lead to beginnings if we allow change into our lives." So, it got me thinking about how we usually deal with change.
There seems to be a lot of change around us right now- climate change, economic change, and of course the shift in the relationships between men and women (a challenge many of us are facing right now). In fact one of the certainties we can rely on in life is CHANGE. There is always a constant ebb and flow of change.
The way you handle change depends on the level of resilience within yourself as resilience is your tool box of coping strategies helping you handle day to day stressors and challenges. In the Book, “Who Moved My Cheese,” Spencer Johnson writes, “If you do not change, you can become extinct…Be ready to change quickly and enjoy it again and again. Keep moving with the cheese.”
SO, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH CHANGE?
Do you resist change?
Do you shut down and ignore change, thinking it will simply go away?
Do you stay in hope? Or
Do you see change as a positive and adapt yourself?
We challenge change when we don’t get our way; thinking that we can control the outcome and make it work. We want to control the change which creates a sense of fear within us because we really cannot control anyone or anything outside of ourselves. We focus on how people have hurt us, let us down, betrayed us, disrespected us or scarred us rather than thanking them for bringing us the inevitable. We link change to failure, rejection and loss. The problem here is that when we block change we block our growth. Every situation and relationship has a life cycle of its own and wants to follow its own path and destiny, and when we block change or resist change we interfere with this energy flow. Any interference of energy will cause stagnation and create a struggle within us. So it is important for us to trust and allow the natural dynamics and practice non-interference.
When we shut down and ignore change we are like an ostrich burying its head in the sand. Thinking if we hide it will just go away and not affect us. Here we play victim and avoid taking any responsibility for change. In this space of shut down, we miss any lessons or opportunities which may be presenting themselves and the likelihood of experiencing the same kind of change is inevitable because the universe will keep bringing us the same lessons until we have learnt.
Hope fights change as well. Here we stay hopeful thinking that things will change again. In this space of hope we see the situation the way we want to see. This false sense of hope creates an illusion where we avoid the realities of a situation. Hope keeps us blinded and creates stagnation within us as we block a natural flow of events.
So, what if we saw change as a positive…
What if each ending represented an opportunity for something new, something better? If we accepted change in this light, wouldn’t we welcome change rather than resist it? Wouldn’t we keep ourselves open and in a state of trust rather than hope? Trusting that everything is brought to us and taken from us for our greater good and greater growth. Change means movement and movement means life, adventure, freedom and excitement. Change is a constant in nature and nature does not resist change.
The poor caterpillar builds a cocoon around himself and begins to decay. The journey of decay is painful, the caterpillar sheds his skin and waits in darkness and solitude.
We don’t see caterpillars resisting this change (don’t see any caterpillars in therapy J). The caterpillar allows the time of Crystalis, allows the change, allows the transformation knowing what awaits him at the time of completion- he endures the pain of change in order to become the butterfly. “What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.”
So instead of resisting change what if we saw ourselves somewhere along that 5 stage cycle: death, decay, fertilization, gestation and rebirth. What if we focused on where the change and transformation is taking us- focused on becoming our own butterfly and taking our own flight.
Here are some helpful tips to embrace change:
1. LISTEN to the situation around you- listen actively and listen to understand. Rather than take anything personally, listen for clarity, listen for lessons and listen with empathy and understanding.
2. Have COMPASSION for yourself and for those around you. Compassion here means a deep level of detached acceptance.
2. Have COMPASSION for yourself and for those around you. Compassion here means a deep level of detached acceptance.
3. Have the WISDOM to realize that this is happening for your good and for your growth and recognize where you are along the life cycle of change
4. TRUST & ALLOW the change
5. Have the COURAGE to wait PATIENTLY for the new to unfold
6. Have GRATITUDE for the lessons you learnt from the change and cut ties where necessary to free yourself up for the new
7. Keep your eyes and heart OPEN for new opportunities and allow the new in with a clean slate and a fresh beginning. And most of all…
“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” The Dalia Lama
Towards truth and freedom!
Lots of love,
Cheryne Blom
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For more about Cheryne please also see: http://www.cheryneblom.com/
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