I just watched the movie Bully and it has left me feeling so sad and inspired to write about this topic. I guess it took me right back to the days when I was bullied and brought up all the pain and humiliation which still haunts me today.
I think I was bullied from the moment I started school. Bullied for being different, bullied for my hair, for being tall, for being ugly, talking with a different accent and even teased because I developed earlier.
Even today, at the age of 40, after an enormous amount of self development work, in my weak moments of self doubt all I can hear is the nasty words of all the bullies ringing in my ears. For years I stayed in the comfort zone of smallness all because I was scared of judgment and scared of being teased.
If only those bullies would know that their words left such deep scars on my psyche- forever imprinted on my pain. Their stupid words became my dictionary of self doubt and subconscious sabotage. I accepted mediocrity in my life because, in my child's mind, with no self esteem, that is all a girl like me got.
I have to be honest, and this is something I have never spoken about, there was a time in my teens when I wanted out. I did not want to be a part of such a mean and brutal world. Luckily, I was guided by the duality of my higher self. The self who knew how to rise above the bully, the self who knew I had tremendous worth and value to offer. I knew I was different, but it was only when I began to celebrate this as my uniqueness did my life take off.
I was 32 and was attending an intense self development program revealing my deepest fears and insecurities. I remember talking about how kids teased me because of my hair and how much that effected me and led my to self loathing instead of self love. This woman come up to me and said, wow, I cannot believe what you are saying about your hair, when I look at you, the first thing I do is smile because your hair makes me feel good and joyful. It makes you who you are and you should celebrate it!
That was such a breakthrough for me because it helped me identify my highest purpose...to make people feel good and be a positive influence. So of course, it would make sense, that I'd be given this hair to help me stand out and be that positive influence. My uniqueness serves my greater good.
I wish I could pass on this message to all victims of bullying... (perhaps these are the words I wish I would of been told and these are the words of guidance from my higher self...)
Detach from those words and celebrate your uniqueness!
Your uniqueness is what forces people to change, forces people to look at themselves as you reflect their own insecurities back at them. You are a pure soul, a pure beam of light and this light unfortunately will absorb and shadow the darkness until you know how to shield yourself with positivity and belief.
You were born to bring change into the world and although they are going to try and bring you down, your uniqueness is your strength and your positive attitude is your shield. Just look at some of our greatest icons who stand out from society...all of them were unique, all them struggled and all of them had
of these icons stood out because they embraced their uniqueness, capitalized on it in fact and have made a great mark on the world.
A paradigm shift is needed here and we have to take global responsibility to bring bullying to an end. Bullying cannot be tolerated, we cannot be passive bystanders and let one person destroy the spirit of another. We have to look down upon this behavior, reject it and alienate it. We cannot join in the laughter, we cannot fear them, we cannot turn a blind eye and we cannot make them feel powerful because they are stopping us from thriving. We must teach them the power of love and allow love to be the greater force.
We have to be a society based on kindness which does not tolerate mean or abusive behavior. We have to protect the sensitive souls and help celebrate their uniqueness. We must begin to look for the good within each of us and enforce a moral code based on kindness, consideration, care, respect and begin to treat others only in the way we want to be treated. We have to turn this situation around, allow this to be a challenge to help us grow and be better and stronger. We have to somehow help these bullies return to their own state of love, we have to remind them of what is within them, buried within their own fear and pain. We have to teach them how to channel their power so that it is not wasted and abused. We have to somehow help them heal their own wounds.
Now this is a big problem which may take years to heal and we have no control over whether people are going to step up or not. We have to assume that the bullies will stay and will continue to challenge us. However, instead of bringing us down, we can allow their behavior to make us stronger and wiser. We can be the light shinning bright amongst the darkness with such strong resilience that the darkness has no other choice but to surrender.
To all the victims of bullying here is a powerful turnaround...a powerful way for you to shift perspective and see the bullying in a new and empowering light which will allow you to rise higher, allow you to celebrate your greatness and allow you to have the resilience and the ability to have a positive coping strategy.
See them as your teacher
There is a great saying, the people who challenge us the most are the ones we need the most, meaning that the people who challenge us offer us the greatest opportunity for growth. Ask yourself, what is this person teaching me? Is it to teach you to stand up for yourself, is it to teach you to accept yourself, is it to teach you to love yourself, to express yourself, to find your strength, to learn compassion or to forgive? Each one of us has a unique lesson and life purpose and every relationship (positive or negative) helps us along this life journey. So your bully is your teacher. Embrace them but do not buy into their words, ask yourself what they are teaching you and let that lesson of wisdom become your focus point.
Focus on your purpose and be a leader
If you are being bullied for being different it is because you have a unique purpose to teach the world. Own your sensitivity and own your purpose because you are here to make change and people will be threatened and will try bring you down, but do not give in. You were born different to stand out, you were born different to be a contrast to a world desperately needing h elp. Always come from the virtues of love because as a sensitive your soul only understands the virtues of love. Perhaps you are here to bring an end to EGO and an end to fear, whatever it is allow your purpose to empower you- rise above the bully, who is only a test. Be the leader and guide the world into change. Leadership is not about a title, says Robin Sharma, it is about celebrating your uniqueness, celebrating your strengths, celebrating the gifts you bring to the world with passion instead of fear.
Celebrate your uniqueness
(Well I kind of said it all in my last point) but not only must you allow your uniqueness to empower you, celebrate it. Even if it means isolation, it is ok and it will not be forever because when people understand you they will be inspired by you. BE WHO YOU ARE! By this I do not mean for you to flaunt yourself, as this may threaten others and they may not understand you, this can be done in silence and only through grace.
Focus on your centre within not the external
Deep within your belly is a tiny light. It may be small but it is powerful. This
Let go of the need for validation, recognition, approval and the
need to fit in
These needs represent our greatest human flaws. We compromise ourselves, people please and ignore our uniqueness all because we need to fit in and belong, we need validation and we need the approval of others. We do more to avoid judgment then celebrate ourselves joyfully. When you focus on your inner strength, when you focus on your unique gifts, when you focus on your unique purpose, and your unique lesson those begin to speak louder then the EGO need to be validated. This is about coming from a higher place, rising above the ordinary world and remembering that you are not ordinary you are EXTRAordinary and that purpose and will speak louder then any fear.
"Today you are you, that is truer then true, there is no one around who is youer then you!" Dr. Seuss
(If you know anyone who is a victim of bullying, please feel free to forward on this blog)
To your truth and freedom with lots and lots of love,
Cheryne
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