When
we study resilient people it is clear that they all hold certain habits and
behaviours which lead to having resilience. This is something which has always
been an interest to me as I am forever inspired by the human spirit and will to
survive. And as a life coach my focus and goal with all my clients is to reveal
to them the tools within to handle whatever life throws at them.
These
are the 7 habits of highly resilient people I have identified and have seen to
work over and over again.
1.
Positive thinking
Resilient
people have a foundation of optimism and think positively. This means filling your self-talk with
positive language. By positive, I do not only mean gentle, kind and supportive
words to yourself…I also mean that your language must focus on what you want
and not want you do not want and must direct your thoughts and actions towards
what you are working towards. Here are 3 keys to positive language:
o
Know
your outcome and what emotion or end result you are wanting.
What
is it that you want to feel? What is that you want to achieve? What is the
resourceful action that is going to get you there? What beliefs do you need to
have in order to get where you want to go? Positive thinking is about seeing
the bigger picture and allowing that vision to inspire you forwards.
o
Ask
yourself better questions! Questions activate your thinking, so be aware of
what questions you are asking yourself right now. Questions like, How am I
going to cope, or why did I deserve this or why is this happening to me, will
only activate your thinking to focus on all the negatives of your situation.
When you ask yourself better questions you will activate positive action.
Questions like, what can I do to make this work, how can this make me stronger,
or what support or team around me do I need right now? Notice how those
questions direct you towards a more positive outcome.
o
Focus
all of your language on directing you towards your outcome. For example if your
outcome is to stay calm and focused then you will eliminate any self talk
like…I do not want to feel stressed or anxious and you will say specifically I
want to feel calm and focused. The more specific you can be, the more clear
direction you give yourself.
2.
The ability to
reinvent yourself
Nature
is forever moving in cycles and so are we.
When autumn comes a tree doesn’t hold onto its leaves as if its life
depends on it. It allows the autumn to clear out the old and make room for the
new. It allows itself to come back every spring more vibrant, more colourful,
taller and stronger. Sometimes we hold on to situations or resist change in
fear of the unknown, however when we see new opportunities to forever reinvent
ourselves and start fresh we forever challenge ourselves and allow ourselves to
grow.
Often
something comes to an end in our lives, it may be a job or a relationship, and
we feel that we have reached the end and cannot see a new future for ourselves.
Healthy resilience is about allowing each cycle to end and then reinvent
yourself to be better, bolder, stronger, wiser and grow. We never know what is
around the next corner in life, we never know what opportunities are coming to
us, so when we allow situations to reach closure with trust and enthusiasm we open
ourselves up to the new, we allow ourselves to transform, to rebirth and grow.
3.
Clear vision,
values and goals
Resilient
people set goals, have a clear vision of what they want and know which values
are going to get them there.
If
you do not have a clear vision for yourself then get clear on that first. Write
out where you see yourself in a year, where you see yourself in 10 years, in 20
years etc. This gives you a vision plan and helps you have clarity around what
direction you are moving towards. When we visualize we program our Reticular
Activation System (RAS), the part of our brain which programs our subconscious
mind and helps us filter in relevant data. When you have a clear vision you
will begin to filter in the necessary information to help you move forwards.
Goals
offer you a point of focus and direction. Without clear goals and a vision we
are like a plan travelling off par without a radar system. Set specific and clear goals which are relate
to your vision. Aim to break down each goal into bite size chunks which you can
slowly focus on. Your goals will help avoid you from being distracted and
thrown off par. When things go wrong you can access and reassess your goals and
see what other steps need to be taken to make your vision a reality.
Values
are the key emotions we wish to experience every day. They make up our positive
mindset and allow us to create emotional leverage used to achieve our goals.
Once you set your goals ask yourself, how will this goal make me feel? What
will it bring into my life and what will it give me to achieve this goal? You
want to elicit powerful goals like happiness, joy, wisdom, courage, integrity,
power, gratitude, love, trust, compassion…only to name a few.
4.
Solutions focused
When you focus on the problem
the problem persists, when you focus on the solution the solution exists. Very often we
focus on the problems we are faced with and go over and over those problems as
if we were a record on a turntable (remember those) stuck playing a certain
track. Sometimes we have to lift and shift our focus in a new direction to see
a new perspective.
When
we begin to shift our focus towards a solution, we always found one, as THERE
IS A SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM. This requires us to stretch our current
thinking, to challenge ourselves and to have behavioral flexibility to try new
things or go in a new direction.
5.
Mind management
Understand
the Neuro Science of your mind and nervous system. When we go into fear we go
into fight/flight/freeze mode and react to situations. When we are in this mode we are in survival
mode and are only activating our survival brain, whose goal is only to protect
us and help us survive. This keeps us safe and small.
When
we can bring ourselves into a state of calm, we activate the frontal cortex, the
higher mind which helps us make clear and rational decisions. When we are able
to manage our mind and activate higher thought patterns we also tap into our
ability to communicate more effectively, use our will power, be compassionate
and be more responsive and less reactive.
This
involves working with your breath and focusing on key mind management skills,
(see previous post for more on this…)
6.
The 3 foundation
emotions needed for mental wellness
These
emotions are gratitude, trust and belief. These emotions allow us to develop a
strong foundation to cope with whatever life throws at us. And these emotions
remind us of the coping resources we have within.
Gratitude
allows us to focus on what we have, rather then what we don’t have. It allows
us to find the blessings in our situation (there are allows many) and it allows
us to find some point of joy to focus on. Gratitude uplifts our mindset,
attitude and energy rather than pulling us into a rut like negative emotions
do. It helps raise your vibration and ensures your heart remains open and
receptive to new opportunities.
Trust
is the opposite of fear. Trust is like a strong trunk of a tree holding us
sturdy and
confidently. Trust is the basis of emotional health and without
inner trust we will be in a constant state of worry. When you trust yourself,
you hold yourself stronger and take risks. Trust allows you to embrace
uncertainty because you know and trust that whatever happens to you, YOU WILL
be able to handle. You also open yourself up to a higher universal trust, which
allows you to accept and work with whatever is in front of you right now, even
if it is challenging.
Belief
also gives you a foundation of resilience. When you believe in yourself you are
focusing on your strengths and inner powers. You believe you can do anything
and remain passionate and enthusiastic. Belief allows you to eliminate self
doubt and the voice of others who may be influencing you or bringing you down.
Belief allows you to remain true to yourself and have integrity towards yourself.
7.
Reframe Failure
One
of the greatest fears I hear as a coach and one I had to work hard to overcome
in myself is the fear of failure. We fear the judgment from ourselves and
others when we fail. And this fear becomes the shackles which hold us back and
stop us from taking risks or even trying. So in order to develop the habit of
resilience we MUST break free from this fear and reframe (change our meaning)
the way we think about failure.
One
of the best statements I have heard is, there
is no such thing as failure only feedback. When we hold this more
empowering and more energizing perspective of failure we use any mistake or any
criticism as feedback for growing and feedback to help us do better. We remain
unstoppable, and instead of pulling back or loosing belief in the first glimpse
of “failure” we humble ourselves, absorb the feedback, and become flexible and
malleable to adapt ourselves; we tweak and tweak and tweak until we succeed.
These
7 habits will help you build the muscles of resilience. These 7 habits will
give you a point of focus to keep on building and keep on moving forwards. Be
gentle, be graceful and know that you are stronger enough to get through any
challenge life throws at you.
To your truth and freedom with lots and lots of love,
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To your truth and freedom with lots and lots of love,
Cheryne
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