Stop taking on other people's stuff!

Do you often find yourself drained by another person’s energy? Or do you often take on the energy around you? Or do you ever feel like you are losing your own power or give your power away?

All of these scenarios are ways that one can Shadow outside energy. Shadowing means you take on or become the energy which surrounds you; it means you lose your power, shrink your own energy field and end up reflecting another person’s emotion.

Shadowing occurs as a result of being an Empath. An empath is a person with a heightened sensitivity and attunement to energy around them. Being an empath means you have high functioning empathy with the ability to pick up feelings, body language, tonality and other sensory signals a person is giving off. In addition you also have a compelling drive to understand and help others. Being an empath is a beautiful quality and purpose to have, but if you are unaware that you are shadowing then problems can occur.

First, we need to become aware that emotion can be understood as Energy in Motion because every emotion has a frequency. We know that when we are happy we give off positive vibes and when we are angry or upset we give off negative vibes. Same occurs when a person is happy it makes us feel happy and when a person is angry we feel triggered.

The potential problem with empathy is that in order to relate to a person, we have to take on that energy or emotion. And if we have taken it on or feeling it then we have become it. We have absorbed or shadowed their energy field which then triggers subconscious memories in the body. What then happens is that the subconscious memory triggers pain or fear, which is stored on a cellular level in our own body, and we begin to go into a negative emotional state. We actually become fear.  So your energy is drained not necessarily because of that person but because you have created that emotion in your body.

This was a HUGE lesson for me to learn when I started as a life coach, because being an empath myself and being highly sensitive to energy, I would often find myself drained after coaching sessions. I was heading for a fast burn out so I needed to learn how I could protect my energy.

Because I have been through so much in my life and because I could actually relate to what they were going through, I began to realize that I was reliving my own subconscious pain. I was literally feeling what they were feeling and I was becoming their emotion. What I also realized was that when I related to them on a deeper level and empathized, I felt accepted by them and connected to them. So I began to recognize that there was secondary gain in my empathy and I was not being completely present with a person. The secondary gain was that I got that connection and relativity from them which made me feel accepted and love…all about my EGO! And this is when I had my biggest AHA moment!

What I realized was that there is a difference between empathy and compassion. With empathy I could feel what they were going through and relate to them, but as mentioned above, that was causing a major drain.

By cultivating compassion I became more present, more energized, and most importantly clients began to experience even greater shifts and development because the energy was far more empowering.

So what’s the difference between compassion and empathy?

Compassion is the next level up from empathy. If we stay in empathy we run the risk of taking on another person’s energy. So compassion is the ability to observe a person from a more detached perspective.

Detachment means we are in a state of non-judgement. We are listening to understand and not to respond. We are listening to understand them on their own level and not how it relates to us, as we do when we empathize. Compassion means we are not only understanding, we are accepting them. We have no need to relate to it, no need to attach to it or no need to change it. We are mindful and present and maintain our own energetic space. We are aware of our own feelings and thoughts and changes in the body yet we are able to maintain our own power and not shadow another.

Compassion means we detach from drama, we allow them to be, we give them space, and we accept their perspective as being from their own set of beliefs and not our own. We simply hold the space for them.

And in order to do this we remain in a positive emotional state, a state we can call LOVE. Love listens, love accepts, love has no need to fit in or control and has no need to be liked. Love is simply to be present, to be aware, to understand and to accept on a deep level.

And in this positive space of love, instead of reflecting their emotion, we connect to our own heart space and internal power. We focus on sending this positive love state to another person, we believe in them, and we do not attach to or indulge in ego thoughts. We move them beyond self-pity and fear and we

elevate them to a more empowered state of being. And because our energy is full and expansive and focused on love, our energy field becomes the more dominant energy and instead of reflecting (shadowing) their emotion we deflect and radiate our own inner being of love and compassion.

In order to cultivate this level of compassion towards others, we need to demonstrate that level of compassion to ourselves first. This means being in a mindful state of observing your own thoughts and feelings and having the awareness as to whether you are in a state of empathy or compassion. This means you can observe your thoughts, accept them, let them go and cultivate compassion. It means you stay in a detached space of non-judgment.

I truly believe that if we could cultivate this level of compassion we could become a more intelligent and peaceful human race and rid ourselves of negative habits like taking things personally or giving away our power. And most importantly you will learn to let go of fear and embrace living in the value of love which is your true essence and pure power.

To your truth and freedom,

Cheryne

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