Staying Calm Amongst the Chaos

I am going to be completely honest with you, I have had a really tough couple of weeks.  I know most people think that as a life coach I live on a mountain top somewhere peaceful within a constant state of enlightenmentJ; however, the truth that I am beginning to see, is that as a life coach I am given life situations so that I can action my guidance to others. I have the opportunity in every moment to choose to “walk my talk” and ensure I am putting into action the tools I guide people towards. Sometimes I think I have to test drive chaos in order to gain empathy and learn the steps towards overcoming life’s challenges. So this means that bad stuff still happens and life will not be perfect (impossible) and that enlightenment is not about what your life is made up of but it is about how one responds to situations presented to them. After all, when we look at defining personal responsibility it comes down to our ability to respond. 

So, these last 2 weeks, as I found myself living as if I had woken up as the star character on an episode of the Jerry Springer show J, I also had the awareness and consciousness of how I was responding. I found myself in total awe for noticing the state of calm I was able to stay in as well as a state of gratitude for having the skills I have gained along the amazing path of learning. So I found myself having the ability to stay calm amongst the chaos or more specifically having the ability to keep the mind still when placed under stress. I have been following a disciplined meditation practice for a good few years now and the benefits are now paying off.

There is a principle I teach in my meditation courses which is a Buddhist principle called Equanimity. Equanimity is defined as the ability to remain calm, poised and even tempered especially within a difficult situation. Here we experience Emotional Equilibrium and the body experiences homeostasis or balance. This means there is no Nervous System reaction or our normal flight, fright or freeze mode, it means we function from a higher state of the mind with clarity, focus and calmness. The body, adrenal glands especially, are not triggered and we are not responding because of a rush of adrenalin cortisol, but because we are using the higher centres of the mind to keep the body and nervous system calm.

This is not a state of apathy where we have no feeling; it is actually the complete opposite. It is the ability to observe negative emotion with mindfulness and then have the awareness to confront the emotion, feel it and then easily and effortlessly let go.

This is such a powerful state of being and when we master this technique we can handle any challenge life throws at us. I love the analogy of a hurricane. In a hurricane where is the safest place to be? The safest position is in the eye of the storm, right? If we resist the storm or try to run from the storm it only swallows us up. When we step into the middle of it, when we step into the epicenter and the core of the storm we find balance, calm and safety- we find equilibrium.

Our emotions are the same. We can observe and respond to our emotions without being reactive (behavior we usually regret later). By being less reactive we engage in behavior which presents as intelligent, composed and comes from a high level of wisdom. This behavior will always leave us feeling more confident and empowered because we do not fall into fear and ego but remain in our truth and congruent with the person we chose to be. In this powerful state we are able to have self control over our mind and emotion- we are “walking the dog” or monkey mind, rather than the dog pulling us along. This feeling of self control also helps us trust and respect ourselves and stay empowered.

In order to truly grasp this we must understand the mechanics of the human body and how our physiology completely determines our psychology.  This means that when we learn and understand the link between brain function and nervous system response we can master our emotions. This is why I am so passionate about teaching meditation, because meditation is the exercise the mind needs to develop higher brain function. Let me explain…

There are two parts of our nervous system Sympathetic and Parasympathetic - they work in opposition to one another to bring about balance in the body.

Our Sympathetic Nervous System is also known as our fight or flight mode. This mode seems to be the default mode for most of us. Perhaps we need it that way in order for our survival. When we experience stressful thoughts or emotions, the sympathetic nervous system is activated causing us to go into fight or flight mode. We become reactive or submissive. Our breathing becomes shallower, our heart rate increased, muscles tense, we may experience cloudy thought (fear response) and we lose touch with the present moment. The adrenal glands are also activated and in time become fatigued. In this fear response our lower brain is activated, also known as the reptilian brain, we allow little blood circulation to flow to the  frontal cortex or higher brain which is responsible for calm, logical, rational thought, behavior which is learnt as this brain centre is exercised and built.

Because of our “busy” lifestyles we have created for ourselves many of us spend most of our time with our sympathetic nervous systems triggered. We then in turn look for pick-me-ups like caffeine, sugar, alcohol etc which trigger us even further. Therefore our systems are forever activated; we can begin to see why we age the way we do and have the illnesses we do. We MUST allow our bodies time to recover.

The parasympathetic nervous system is known as our rest and digest mode and helps the body stay calm so that the cells can regenerate and so that we can activate higher brain. This is also activating the attention centre of the brain.  During meditation we give the Parasympathetic Nervous System a work out by doing NOTHING but focusing on one thing at a time, which builds the capacity and the ability of the mind to focus and stay calm! When we understand how our bodies now need to function we begin to prioritize our time for stillness and meditation. *

*(notes taken from Meditation made Easy Online Course commencing March 2012)

So understanding these mechanics gives us insight into the science behind equanimity, and let’s now look at the steps you can learn to build this powerful state of calm.

There are 3 steps to Equanimity:

Step 1 is noticing the tension or negative emotion in the body. The key here is self awareness and to remember to remember. Without self awareness we miss the triggers and fall into a default state which leaves us feeling manipulated by our emotions rather than in control of them. This is where mindfulness is key, which is the ability to observe oneself and notice moment to moment changes within the body and mind without judgment, fear or anxiety. It is the ability to notice with a calm detachment. This is called calibration, which is the ability to notice moment to moment changes and a great way to calibrate internally is through a body scan. Body scanning is simply scanning through the body from head to toe noticing where emotion is blocked, it is also about calibrating our thought processes and noticing which thoughts are creating stress and disempowering us.

Step 2 is the ability to release the tension or thought by letting go! Yes, easier said than done, I hear ya, but with consistent self training the body adjusts and becomes obedient. Letting go is a beautiful process where we set the intention with our mind and our breath to release the tension or thought. We tend to hold onto so much emotion on a cellular level, so letting go helps the body cleanse and release. You can use your breath to soften into a tense area within the body and you can also set the intention in your mind to let go. This process is also helped with the ability to reframe thoughts and emotion, which means letting the negativity go and focusing on the positive thought or lesson. The power of this process comes from the ability to let go and bring yourself into the now as in fear we are in the past and anxiety we are in the future. By letting go and focusing on your breath and the softening in the body, homeostasis and equilibrium is achieved.

Step 3 is then noticing the moments of equanimity. This is noticing the peace, relaxation and nothingness. Feeling the balance and learning to build the space of calm before the mind is triggered again. In the beginning equanimity may only be felt for a few seconds, then a few minutes and in time and with practice the space of “No Thought” grows and feelings of enlightenment and deep levels of inner peace increase.

So you can chose your behavior and build this powerful space with practice, intention and self awareness. Next time you feel stress take yourself through these steps and train yourself to be calm amongst the chaos. Good bye Monkey Mind J

To your truth and freedom with lots of love

Cheryne Blom

For more about Cheryne please also see: http://www.cheryneblom.com/ 

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