Yet for many Self Expression is the hardest aspect to master. There are many factors that block your self expression, for example, being afraid of what people will think of you, not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, being too emotional or not knowing exactly how to say what you want to say. Therefore you either chose to remain silent, say something in an emotional way where you may say things you do not mean, or dance around a subject trying desperately to communicate what you want to say yet leaving your listener in complete confusion.
Research is now finding that blocking your communication can play a serious role on your health leading to a weakening immune system. This is because it requires a lot of internal energy to remain silent or over express yourself. And because we all search to be heard and understood, becoming a master of communication ensures people clearly understand you and respond to you effectively.
When people understand you, they respect and accept you. We also teach people how to treat us through our communication and communication self mastery also ensures you are taking 100% responsibility for your communication effectiveness.
Mastering the Art of Self Expression is therefore essential for your health, your relationships and your deepest needs of being heard and accepted. Learning to speak your truth requires skill and understanding, so here are 10 simple and effective tools to help you become a Master of Self Expression and Communication:
1. How you say what you say is more important then what you say
Everything you do communicates something. You can never not communicate because even if you are not speaking your body language and tonality will say more then the actual words you use because subconsciously more is heard in the non verbal then the verbal.
When we start to use our body language and tonality with volition and a clear intention then we become effective communicators.
I remember when I was doing my public speaking training and I was mindlessly talking about a
passionate topic. When I got passionate I would use my hands and body language to dramatize what I was saying thinking that I was making an impact with my audience. The trainer stopped me and asked me what I was doing with my hands. He said that they were distracting him and that he could not focus on my message which was actually quite good.
This was a big AHA moment for me because I wanted my message heard so therefore I needed to adapt and temper my body language to ensure that HOW I was saying what I was saying was coming through clearly and easily.
Have a look at the way you are communicating to see if you are sending out clear messages.
2. The meaning of your communication lies in the response you get
Sometimes we think people understand what we are saying, however if we are not checking in and clarifying then we have no idea if they are hearing us or not.
The reaction you get from your listener is your feedback, if they do not understand you then you need to adjust your message until they fully get it.
Stop occasionally and ask your listener what they are hearing so you know if they are understanding. Also check body language, eye movements, breathing and their responses to gain your feedback.
Taking 100% for your communication means you are proACTIVE in adjusting your self expression.
3. Manage the inner tantrum
- Create a pause
- Stop and breathe
- Ask yourself what is motivating that person and aim to understand their perspective before you fire back an assumption, an interpretation or a reaction.
4. Using empathy and compassion
By stopping to reflect on where the other person is coming from you begin to use empathy and compassion. Empathy means you can relate to what they are saying and compassion means you understand them and accept what they are saying from a detached perspective. Compassion is the highest form of respect we can show another because it means we are not making it about ourselves and taking things personally, we are actively listening to their point of view...listening to understand!
5. Timing is everything
This is my #1 rule! I will not talk if I am emotional or if the other person is emotional. Rather step back, reflect on both sides of the conversation and do whatever it takes to get yourself calm before re-approaching the subject. Go for a walk, deep breathing, shower, yoga, exercise, scream into a pillow...do what you need to do to rid yourself of your temper or your emotion and then when you feel calm and when you feel empowered bring up the subject again. This is especially important for those difficult and critical conversations.
Also look to see whether it suits your listener to have a conversation. If your partner, for example, is getting ready to leave for work, chances are they will not be focusing on a word you are saying, so your message is going to get lost.
My favorite time to have important conversations with my kids is in the car...I've got their attention and they cannot go anywhere :-)
6. Tonality is the key
Just like I said in point 1, how you say what you say is more important then what you say! Tonality makes up about 38% of your communication so be mindful of using effective tonality. Tonality expresses the subconscious thought patterns of a person as well as directs your listener. Tonality will always tell me exactly what is happening within a person.
Examples of ineffective tonality are:
- Judging tone
- Angry Tone
- Anxious or fearful tone
- Heavy tone
- Shaky voice
Keep conversations (especially difficult ones) light hearted and even playful if you can.
7. Important words to avoid
Firstly there is the YOU MISSILE. I call it a missile, because when you use the word you, a person has a natural instinct to defend themselves. They will take what you say personally and most likely throw a you missile back. Stick to "I language" instead.
Other "bad" words include 'but" as it is a negator and the word 'why' as it sounds judgmental and will also create a defense. More effective then the word 'why' is to ask for what reason or 'how come'
8. Giving clear direction
Avoid saying what you do not want and replace it clearly with what you do what.
This means that you must firstly have the clarity of the outcome you wish to create and then give clear instructions to move your listening towards what you want them to achieve.
For example, if I wanted my kids to keep the house tidy I would avoid saying, do not make a mess and would rather say...guys, please make sure all your stuff is packed away, in the right space and tidy.
9. Empowering your recipient
People stay engaged if they are empowered and can see a reason for themselves to invest in a conversation. So avoid putting your listener down and aim to empower them by being a person of influence.
10. Asking the right questions
Questions activate thoughts, so a really great way to express yourself and empower another person is to ask them leading questions which will in turn activate the thoughts you would like them to have.
And because we can only experience that which we can language, getting a person to come up with their own answer ensures firstly they have created a neurological thought pathway and secondly, they can internally reference what you are asking.
This is a softer approach which may need a bit more work yet will yield you far better results.
So here are 10 essential tools to help you Master the Art of Self Expression. Learning to speak your truth and be understood ensures you are developing and living an empowered life.
To your truth and freedom,
Cheryne
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***CREATE YOUR OWN VISION BOARD WORKSHOP ***
Saturday 25 October 2014 1:30 pm-4 pm email Cheryne for more details
Find out more about working with Cheryne one-on-one. Send Cheryne an email.
Book Cheryne to speak at your next event.
***CREATE YOUR OWN VISION BOARD WORKSHOP ***
Saturday 25 October 2014 1:30 pm-4 pm email Cheryne for more details
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